WII BOWLING CHAMP (thanks billiam)"BobServo updating on a Sunday? Has the world gone topsy-turvy?" None of you are probably asking this at the moment. But, in case this question comes up at the family dinner table, I'm here to tell you that I'm filling in for Pantsfish with today's update. He's currently on Something Awful sabbatical, which I think is just code for "Smokin' major doobage." I plan on doing something hilarious like filling his cubicle with packing peanuts or sauerkraut while he is gone. Maybe you will see pictures of this in a hilarious forwarded message you get at work.
I really hope everyone enjoys today's article, because the Something Awful Internet Update System was doing bizarre things to the HTML; this caused me to spend about 18 man-hours looking at brackets. For some reason it was dumping text from one page to another and filling the page with pictures of Sonic the Hedgehog with his anus filled with anal beads. If you happen to be using MSIE 7 you may still see some of these images. If so, I am sorry.
By this time, the Internet has jumped on the whole Richard McBeef Supertrain, so if you are tired of parodies of plays written by South Korean mass-murderers, I apologize. But just be happy that my article is not prefaced with disclaimers about how sorry I am for the tragedy, and how this is not intended to mock the victims in any way (as seen on much lamer Internet sites). Sucking the humor out of something to the point of making it meaningless is not exactly my thing. And besides, it's always been cool to make fun of mass-murderers! Just make sure they're dead first.
A thousand years ago, dudes were dying from splinters, but now the wizard potion that cleans our light wounds costs less than a Dr. Pepper in 1994. I love this medicinal 7up.
U2 and Apple have conspired to place a U2 album into your music in the year 2014. You own a U2 album. And you can't get rid of it.
Ron Paul spins in his chair, trying to grab his decorative antique musket but Freddy gets it first.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!