USA 2006 World Tour Progress Report
Funding has been temporarily pulled from this goodwill tour of laughs because of the high price of gasoline and my extravagant purchases from Skymall. We still have half a year left to tour so right now I am getting a lot of sleep and playing Oblivion so I am ready for action. Once gas prices hit $1.00 a gallon again, we have been given the green light to get this show on the road. Thank you for your patience concerning this matter if you are one of the many schools and hospitals I promised to visit to perform a puppet show. Pardon our dust during this transition processes.
Front Page Gossip
There is no gossip this month. Sorry but all the writers have been behaving themselves since my watchdog task force has been keeping tabs on them. It's sad really, when you love something so much that you destroy it Lets just pray that one of them slips up soon and get caught drunk driving or diagnosed with a rare cancer. Where have all the cowboys gone?
See ya next month kids!
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!