Front Page Gossip: Seth "Terrorsaurus" Knisley Sucks Balls
This just in, the Sunday writer "Terrorsaurus" is terrible and should be avoided at all costs. I really don't know how he fumbled his way into a writing position, but all I can say is that it was a monumental mistake on the level of the Hindenberg or the Killroy album. I can only assume that Lowtax was mixing baby formula and Ambian again when he gave this clown the green light. I dunno, maybe Richard is angry with God and decided to blemish all the Sundays with terrible content as revenge. I even offered to take his slot and pick up the slack, but I was told that this Sunday he has one more shot to be funny. If this one isn't funny, it's back back to being a sandwich artist with Knisley. I'll take a meatball sub please.
A Word About Hurricane Katrina
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!