Today's update was the result of me being completely out of ideas. Luckily at around 9pm on Saturday night, a friend IM'd me with the link to the MSN article and I managed to panic out a few (hopefully) decent jokes. Also I hate how anyone can call themselves a relationship/dating/sex expert and pass off whatever half-assed crap they saw in a fever dream as real advice. Meeting women who talk about Cosmo like it's Scientific American is depressing and tiresome and there should be some sort of disclaimer printed on the cover of every one of those magazines. However, I believe wholeheartedly in astrology.
I mentioned in my last Daily Dirt that I was going to be visiting New York and I figured that I'd tell some stories about it in this Daily Dirt but frankly I'm too tired so here are a few highlights. If you hate boring LiveJournal bullshit or starfuckers then just skip this part:
Falling asleep in the LAX terminal and missing my flight to JFK. Catching a flight to Vegas so that I can catch another connection to JFK. Waiting as that connection was delayed and finally cancelled due to mechanical failure. Catching another flight back to LAX and finally getting a flight to New York. All in all I spent a little over a day traveling and learned a lot about airports and being angry.
Getting invited by Patton Oswalt to an afterparty, where I rubbed elbows with Yo La Tengo, Horatio Sans, and a bunch of other marginally successful showbiz types. All in all there was enough star power in that room to make one third of a Martin Short. It was the highlight of my life.
Spending 4 weeks of money in six days.
Before I pass out on my filthy cot, I'd like to take a minute to plug up-and-coming comic Aziz Ansari. He currently has a very funny one man show called "Aziz Ansari Punched A Wall" which you can catch at the UCB Theater on August 20th. Also, he hosts a standup showcase thing call "Crash Test" on Mondays. If you like underdog charm and quirkiness and if all that "Bush is an asshole" comedy is wearing thin for you, then I think Aziz might be your guy. "Aziz Punched a Wall" is $8 and "Crash Test" is free. Plus they have $2 PBRs. Give it a try if you're in the area. Also make sure to reserve tickets online. Okay I'm tired goodnight.
This is very real. As an insider I possess damning evidence that could utterly destroy Something Awful. This website has many enemies who appear to be coming to power in the United States. They probably have lots of money at their disposal, and I could really use some.
Don't let the winter dryness destroy your sinuses.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!