MY VACATION TOOK ME TO PARIS. WHAT A BUNCH OF PUSSIES. THE ONLY THING GOOD ABOUT THIS DUMP WAS I MET MY COUSIN FRANK. HERE WE ARE IN FRONT OF THE MOST USELESS TOWER I HAVE EVER BEEN TO.
MY TIME WAS COMING TO A CLOSE SO THE FAMILY GOT TOGETHER ON THE LAST DAY OF MY VACATION. GRAMPS HAD ANOTHER HEART ATTACK. THE SELFISH MOTHERFUCKER ALWAYS DOES THIS!!!
NOW I AM BACK AT WORK, WHERE SHIT SUCKS. STACY HAD TO TAKE THIS GAY PICTURE OF ME. GOD DAMN BITCH! (TOTALLY HIT THAT)
NOT ALL IS BAD AT WORK THOUGH. I SPEND MOST OF MY TIME WATCHING SOME MOTHERFUCKIN' T-REX PORN.
Ferguson's long arm of the law laments the latest cutback.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
Expendable? You must be joking.
The Daily Dirt serves as a column for all Something Awful frontpage writers to write about, well, whatever they feel like putting into the Daily Dirt!