Steve: Why didn't they finish putting this one together?
Zack: Someone was too busy texting and wouldn't read me the instructions or help in any way, and that's why our robot can't see anything that's not right in front of it.
Steve: I bet they based this one on ostriches because they're the toughest of the birds.
Zack: Tougher than bald eagles?
Steve: I'm as patriotic as the next guy but I don't think an eagle can disembowel you with a kick or run like 100 mph.
Zack: An ostrich is probably more dangerous than a real Jenner.
Steve: No way, dude. I mean, mad respect to an ostrich, it is a serious beast, but it mounts zero missiles and lasers.
Zack: That's not what wikipedia says.
Steve: My mom blocked that when she caught me trying to add a drawing of hot boobs for the "hot boobs" article. Which I also started and edit.
Zack: Researchers need a graphic example of hot boobs. How else will they understand the concept?Steve: Exactly. But now I can only check it from the library and that was like two days ago. God only knows what they have reverted my article to by now. Last time I left it for more than a day they removed my whole section about perfect nipple sizes and the accompanying chart.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.