Zack: For fuck's sake, here we go. Anthro steam punk bears doing street art.
Steve: Whatever. Bear dudes are pretty much central to fairy tales. How many have bears walking around and living in houses and acting like people?
Zack: They might live in houses, but don't be fooled. They're wild animals. Beasts. And they will turn on you if they get the chance and crack open the walnut of your skull for the delicious meat inside.
Steve: Fairy tale bears eat porridge and honey.
Zack: And they'll raid a campground for a cooler or even your garbage, sure, but once he's done giving a giant-nosed portrait to somebody down in Perdido Street Station he's going to turn around and eat the face off a lone hiker.
Steve: He lives in dreams. Look at him. He's kindly and just loves to paint. Look at his little top hat.
Zack: That's how he lulls you into a false sense of security. Don't let your guard down, Steve. One lapse and Baloo here is going to turn your hands into camp site scat.
Steve: If you live your life all the time like you're gonna get eaten by a bear dude then I think that means the terrorists have already won.
Zack: The bear terrorists won back in 2008 with the election of their President, Beary Hussein Sotero.
Zack: You can send your hate mails for that joke to [email protected]
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.