Zack: Morton Downey runs past Bill Clinton's dressing room. Clinton sticks his head out into the hallway, sees the servitor and gains the permanent insanity of a sexual compulsion. He ducks back inside and slams the door closed. The leader of the commandos seems to be occupied in a gunfight with Secret Service.
Steve: We were supposed to help those guys, weren't we?
Zack: They were conceivably your allies. Left Eye's friend from the beginning was one of them.
Steve: Whooooooops! Kurt is digging his heels in and telling Station to gallop after Morton Downey.
Zack: Station doesn't really gallop. He moves like one of the bigger creatures from Dark Crystal. Sort of a rapid trundling.
Steve: Just stay on his heels.
Zack: Morton Downey knocks aside a shocked PA and barrels through red double doors. You see a flash of bright lights and then you are through the doors as well. You are on stage in front of a packed theater. TV cameras are trained on you, although they don't appear to be broadcasting yet. Jim Lehrer sits at a desk facing three podiums.
Steve: Hopping down off Station's back.
Zack: Okay, Steve, you just rode a huge mythos frog monster onto the set of a live TV broadcast in pursuit of the presidential candidate currently leading in the polls. This is a big deal and it is bad.
Steve: It's cool. Left Eye slowly walks up to the microphones and she starts singing the national anthem.
Zack: Morton Downey is sort of bewildered by the moment.
Steve: Kurt and Station are covering their hearts with their hands.
Zack: Station does not have a heart.
Steve: I don't believe it. That guy has so much heart.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.