Lowtax: "FOR THE LAST TIME... WHERE... IS... THE... NUTELLA?!?!?!?"
Zack: "THEY DIDN'T SAY I HAD TO WEAR A TIE....MOM!!!"
Lowtax: "MY N64 CONTROLLER IS NOT WHERE I HAD PLACED IT LAST, AND YOU WERE THE LAST SOUL TO BE SEEN IN MY QUARTERS!"
Lowtax: "YOU DON'T ACCEPT BITCOINS?!??!"
Zack: "REMOVE YOURSELF FROM MY SIGHT THIS INSTANT! AND FETCH ME ANOTHER DIET MOUNTAIN DEW. NO....I HAVE NOT HAD TOO MANY ALREADY. YOU ARE NOT MY SIRE. YOU DO NOT COMMAND ME!!!"
Lowtax: "WHAT DO YOU MEAN 'HAIR CAN BE PARTED ON THE SIDE'? WHAT ARE YOU INFERRING?!?!"
Lowtax: "I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I AM OF IRISH DESCENT, SO NO IT IS NOT AS SIMPLE AS WASHING MY FACE!"
Zack: "SYMMETRY IS IMPORTANT FOR ATTRACTIVE HUMAN FACES...I READ THIS IN MY GUIDE TO HUMAN FACES...SO, NO...INCORRECT..."
Lowtax: "I SWEAR MOTHER I WILL SMOTE YOU IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING RECORDING AT THE SAME TIME ON THE DVR WITH A HIGHER PRIORITY THAN GRIMM. YOU CAN BUMP IT LOWER, SO IT RECORDS DURING RE-RUNS OF GRIMM, BUT IF I MISS A NEW EPISODE...YOUR SOUL IS ON THE LINE."
Lowtax: "OKAY I HAVE LOCATED THE NUTELLA BUT IT SEEMS A LARGE PORTION OF IT IS MISSING. WOULDN'T HAPPEN TO KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS, STEP-FATHER? OR SHOULD I CALL YOU 'ROBERT'?!?"
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.