Lowtax: Haha your web sucks, you stupid spider. Look at that shit, it's like the hair of a creature from a Dr. Seuss book.
Zack: "Yeah, nice try, Charlotte. You can't unlock a table. Fucking idiot spiders."
Lowtax: "That's the key to room 203. I said I wanted the key to room 302 you idiot spider."
Zack: And then it spends most of a day making a web to reach to the key hanging from the 302 peg only to have a treasure hunter walk through it.
Lowtax: I'm not even sure the spider is capable of picking up that goofy looking key. That web's foundation is shaky at best.
Lowtax: Like he's gonna get that sucker two inches off the ground and just fall.
Zack: "Mom, I think the spider has been reading my diary again!"
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.