Lowtax: Oh good, it's the Dark Lord of Smugness.
Zack: "Are you ready to have your mind blown by this stay-at-home demon's backrub skills?"
Lowtax: So... uh... is he naked and leaning against some modern art sculpture?
Zack: He's scratching his back on an upright sled.
Lowtax: "Why yes, this is a piece from my collection entitled 'The Claws of Lust,'" says the naked chubby dude in the middle of a church service.
Zack: He just looks like a really creepy uncle or dad or something. The sort of guy who gets all evasive about his hobbies at Thanksgiving or wants to show you the inside of his car.
Lowtax: His Camaro.
Lowtax: Or Corvette.
Zack:"Hey buddy, you've got to check out my Camaro. Have a seat and let's get real about a border fence to deal with all these illegals."
Lowtax:"Yeah, that's right, they sneak into our country and can now have free gay marriages and health care."
Lowtax:"And you and I end up paying for it."
Zack: "We pay for their kids to play Nintendo. Think about that for a second. Pisses you off, don't it? Well I've got some websites you can check out."
Zack: It's actually a Yahoo group.
Lowtax: "Can you please put your clothes on now?"
Lowtax: "When we get there!"
Zack: Clothes? Where we're going, Marty, we don't need clothes.
Lowtax: And they go into his damp, creepy-ass mancave that has a single 24 inch CRT TV
Zack: And he lures you in with the video games promise but all he has is one of those weird light gun VHS games from 1988.
Lowtax: and the broken R.O.B. robot. "It's the ORIGINAL" he claims
Lowtax: but you know otherwise
Zack: Possibly because it's made out of wood.
Lowtax: And it's porn
They told us to stop playing videogames on a school night. If only we'd ignored them.
As a vicious predator, I find that I have a constant, overwhelming urge to lick apples out of a huge block of ice. It's only, natural, right?
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.