Zack:" Hey, uh, anybody seen my other skeleton arm? No? Okay...sorry about the wall."
Lowtax: What the hell is going on here?
Lowtax: An octopus / clock hybrid, a clocktopus, just got busted during basement remodeling
Zack: It is the human condition. The inevitability of our demise. Time, death, tentacles.
Zack: I like to think the clocktopus is interrupting a stand up set.
Lowtax: "Honey I'm going to knock down this and wall and just OH MY GOD, COME DOWN HERE, I JUST FOUND SOMETHING RETARDED"
Zack: What do you do when this thing hops out of your wall?
Lowtax: I think the skeleton is doing something improper to its lower region
Zack: Call the police?
Lowtax: CLOCKTOPUS: "Hey buddy, gimmie a hand! Ha ha get it? Because both of mine are missing? Aw shit, well the joke would be better if there wasn't a hand right in front of me"
Zack: CLOCKTOPUS: "Has this ever happened to you? You're flying through the infinite black space between the walls of reality when suddenly a skeleton smacks right into your clock face and breaks it. It's like, of all the infinite black, you had to be right in my way? What are the odds?"
Zack: "And that's how your mother and I met"
Zack: She was a prancer laid off from the graveyard because some illegal stole her job and I was a quantum leaping clock with octopus arms. They say opposites attract, but I don't even know what that is.
Lowtax: Oh, I see. We've come full circle. Now we're back in chubby naked racist demon's mancave.
Zack: It's called a "callback" do I need to smash through a wall at the Comedy Store and explain it to you?
Lowtax: Don't bother, just come through the doorway, there's nothing stopping you anymore.
Simply put, if I had Johnny Manziel’s physical gifts, you better believe I would be there in the Weight Room, getting to bed early, doing whatever I had to do to be the best possible athlete I could be. I wouldn't be posting on social media about sucking titties. I wouldn't even look at a titty, buddy. I'd look at a titty and see two big footballs.
A real friend doesn't move until the middle of August, ensuring temperatures in the 90s and a humidity that turns boxers into moist balls of ruined cotton.
Expendable? You must be joking.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.