Steve: Order your testing supplies from Liberty Medical, or else!
Zack: This poor guy lives in a hell of never being able to turn his head more than a couple degrees.
Steve: But he can hold an axe and open doors and he has a fish fin(???).
Zack: Mortal enemy: Egbeatari (The Egg Man).
Steve: "Ahh! Gosh dang it! I hit my tooth with my axe again!"
Zack: Walrus Man is just the sort of garbage D&D indulges in whenever they start to run low on ideas. The old, "Sure we have 20 fish men and frog men and mermen, but what else can swim and be crossed with a man?"
Steve: Not fair. Can a bullywug run on ice and snow? I know a merman doesn't have a tusk attack. And what if you just really like walruses and want to explore the idea of them building a civilization?
Zack: This is the same tolerance of mediocrity that has led to the popularity of the orc.
Steve: Dude, what the heck? Orcs are awesome. They're pretty much something you have to have if you want a decent fantasy game.Zack: Orcs are for babies. Real men run kobold encounters.
Cons: causes bad nightmares. I used to have to eat beef until I passed out to have these kind of terrors, but this machine does it for me every time I fall asleep inside it.
Sorry about the blurry photo. I was lunging at my phone, yelling at it to take a clear picture. It's the only image of me that exists. I'd take another picture for you, but I'm in the middle of a rigorous trampoline session.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.