Steve: Order your testing supplies from Liberty Medical, or else!
Zack: This poor guy lives in a hell of never being able to turn his head more than a couple degrees.
Steve: But he can hold an axe and open doors and he has a fish fin(???).
Zack: Mortal enemy: Egbeatari (The Egg Man).
Steve: "Ahh! Gosh dang it! I hit my tooth with my axe again!"
Zack: Walrus Man is just the sort of garbage D&D indulges in whenever they start to run low on ideas. The old, "Sure we have 20 fish men and frog men and mermen, but what else can swim and be crossed with a man?"
Steve: Not fair. Can a bullywug run on ice and snow? I know a merman doesn't have a tusk attack. And what if you just really like walruses and want to explore the idea of them building a civilization?
Zack: This is the same tolerance of mediocrity that has led to the popularity of the orc.
Steve: Dude, what the heck? Orcs are awesome. They're pretty much something you have to have if you want a decent fantasy game.Zack: Orcs are for babies. Real men run kobold encounters.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.