Zack: Lou Dobbs tried to warn us.
Steve: This is what happens when one of those gray alien guys from all the abduction stories smokes a lot of weed and drops out of high school to fix cars.
Zack: "Bro, trust me, I know what I'm doing. I can talk to this tiger."
Steve: Then a few minutes later he's down in the tiger cage screaming for somebody to call 911.
Zack: "911, what is your emergency?" "Yeah, I'd like to report a...looks like a ethnic version of the roaming gnome down in the tiger cage at the zoo. Looks like he's fixin' to get ate."
Steve: By the time the 911 dudes show up there'd just be a bloody cotton smock and half a mustache. And one very happy looking tiger.
Zack: If only we had someone around who could translate what the tiger was saying.
Evil Cooper and Chechen President Ramzan Kadyrov have both been on a rampage, but who did what?
"Your left eye," the optometrist casually explained while blasting my face with a blue laser at point blank range, "is farsighted and shaped like an eyeball. The other eye is nearsighted and shaped like a football. Not even a good football."
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.