Lowtax:: "Should I use the axe? NAH, too cliché. How about the straight razor? Nope, I'll just shave with it. Okay, the single nail? I can't figure out how to die from it. Oh, okay, I guess I'll go with the world's most pregnant handgun."
Zack: A skeleton killing himself with a fat gun is a skeleton who appreciates irony.
Lowtax:: The trigger is so weird and tiny.
Lowtax:: And what the hell is on top of it, is that some tacticool shit? Or a tiny faucet?
Zack: Oh wait, this is another bookian. A pile of books with a human head.
Lowtax:: No, I beg to differ. I have seen many forensics shows, and this man clearly shot himself in the head in front of the books, and the force propelled his head backwards, landing on top of them. Then he grew two stupid-ass teeth. And then his jaw fell off.
Lowtax:: And his body fell off.
Lowtax:: And the gun flew backwards too.
Zack: *cop examines crime scene* "Yep, classic case of body falling off."
Lowtax:: And the book on top is "HOW TO COMMIT THE WORLD'S MOST CONFUSING AND STUPID SUICIDE"
Lowtax:: "CHAPTER 1: GET SOME MEGA RETARDED TEETH"
Lowtax:: "CHAPTER 2: FAT GUNS AND WHERE TO FIND 'EM"
Zack: Maybe it's a trick book. They rule it a suicide and then in the evidence lab some technician blows dust off the book and the actual title is "HOW TO MURDER SOMEONE AND MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THEY COMMITTED THE WORLD'S MOST CONFUSING AND STUPID SUICIDE."
Zack: But it's too late, they've already boarded the ship for the Rube Goldberg suicide home planet.
Lowtax:: I can't believe I actually gave $30 to get that book Kickstarted.
Lowtax:: At least I got a poster of Ron Paul, signed by Allen West.
Transgressive author Chuck Palahniuk is here to help with tips and tricks to hacking your life.
Not what I had in mind when I ordered an Italian gondolier. This is literally just a tiny toy. Needless to say, the Italian businessmen were not impressed and I looked like a damn fool. We lost the pizza pie account and will have to lay off half our factory.
Time to applaud the man who applauds in a loop until the end of time.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.