Warhammer 40,000 dominates tabletop wargaming with its detailed miniatures and gothic bombast, but long before there were space churches and billion-man wars against sex demons, there was only the half-baked anchovy and soiled diaper pizza of Rogue Trader. This Protohammer 40,000 was as much role playing game as wargame and it was all around ugly, confusing, and full of nightmare-inspiring artwork. It's a credit to the creators that Warhammer survived beyond the chainsaw-mouthed rodents and fat, hippy space marines that filled the pages of Rogue Trader. Two weeks ago Steve and Zack tackled the first part and they're back for the conclusion!
Zack: Did you have a happy Halloween, Steve?
Steve: Yeah and I also had a dream that I died and didn't have to do the second half of this article.Zack: That's odd, because I had a dream where I killed you and then I became a fat space marine and then there was this other part where all of my teeth fell out and I was peeing inside that little hatch on R2D2, but I don't know if that counts as the same dream.
Steve: Yeah, that sounds right. All of that happened in my dream.
Zack: Steve, you need to look at the bright side of this. We probably won't do a part three on Rogue Trader.
Steve: You don't understand. I am still afraid of some of the stuff we saw last time.
Zack: Alright, if it makes you feel any better I promise to cut out all of the scary pictures. We'll just skip right over them.
Steve: Your word is meaningless to me after you tricked me into reviewing that Street Fighter book.Zack: Knowing your middle name doesn't really give me power over you.
Steve: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what have you done!?
Zack: Nothing, yet. I can just put in something like "Clarence," but if you don't go along with this I'll print your true name and anyone will be able to banish you back to hell.
Steve: You win this round
The singer dove off the stage and crowd surfed in a sort of reverse funeral procession where the person being carried is the only one truly alive. Touching him I felt religious ecstasy and started speaking in tongues and requesting songs that didn't exist.
There's no easy way to put this, so I'll tell it like it is. Bouillon is died. He went missing before the weekend and yesterday I found his skeletonized remains at the bottom of the #3 soup vat during one of my swims. I thought the cream of mushroom soup had an especially nourishing taste, and a lot more clumps of fur and skin than usual.
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Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.