Warhammer 40,000 dominates tabletop wargaming with its detailed miniatures and gothic bombast, but long before there were space churches and billion-man wars against sex demons, there was only the half-baked anchovy and soiled diaper pizza of Rogue Trader. This Protohammer 40,000 was as much role playing game as wargame and it was all around ugly, confusing, and full of nightmare-inspiring artwork. It's a credit to the creators that Warhammer survived beyond the chainsaw-mouthed rodents and fat, hippy space marines that filled the pages of Rogue Trader. Two weeks ago Steve and Zack tackled the first part and they're back for the conclusion!
Zack: Did you have a happy Halloween, Steve?
Steve: Yeah and I also had a dream that I died and didn't have to do the second half of this article.Zack: That's odd, because I had a dream where I killed you and then I became a fat space marine and then there was this other part where all of my teeth fell out and I was peeing inside that little hatch on R2D2, but I don't know if that counts as the same dream.
Steve: Yeah, that sounds right. All of that happened in my dream.
Zack: Steve, you need to look at the bright side of this. We probably won't do a part three on Rogue Trader.
Steve: You don't understand. I am still afraid of some of the stuff we saw last time.
Zack: Alright, if it makes you feel any better I promise to cut out all of the scary pictures. We'll just skip right over them.
Steve: Your word is meaningless to me after you tricked me into reviewing that Street Fighter book.Zack: Knowing your middle name doesn't really give me power over you.
Steve: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what have you done!?
Zack: Nothing, yet. I can just put in something like "Clarence," but if you don't go along with this I'll print your true name and anyone will be able to banish you back to hell.
Steve: You win this round
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.