Steve: I'm leaving the dressing room and I'm ready to rock.
Zack: Tool Time saw and falling wall wipe to the dressing room door opening. You come shuffling out on your knees waggling Yadda's dead legs in front of you as you head towards the stage overlooking the dining area at the restaurant. The stage crew looks at you in shock.
Steve: "Are you ready to rock?!" Can I lift his little arms up?
Zack: You'll have to set down his legs to do that.
Steve: I'll pull his legs up into the sheet and sort of tuck them under my chin and then lift up his arms and wave them around.
Zack: People are screaming.
Steve: They're into it?
Zack: That's your take, yes.
Steve: "Wooooo! Let's rock and roll!"
Zack: You shuffle on your knees up onto the stage and join your band of backup dancers and Bith musicians. They start playing your music and dancing around. You hear screaming from the crowd.
Steve: "Alright Cloud City! Are we ready to rock? Let's get this party started!" What's a Yadda song?
Zack: You can improvise one.
Steve: "I'M THE YADDA ON ENDOR, BABY! I'M THE YADDA ON ENDOR, HONEY! DON'T YOU KNOW THAT I'M LOVIN' YOU!" Just like he would sing it.
Zack: Smeared in blood, the lifeless limbs of Yadda flopping around atop your shoulders, you proceed to belt out a completely improvised original song in a style that clashes with the poppy synth music the Bith are playing. The audience is screaming and overturning chairs and tables. It's complete chaos.
Steve: Uh-oh! I will use this chaos to make my escape.
Zack: You're sort of the focus of the chaos.
Steve: I will use it to my advantage then. Is there anything I can climb?
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Your lair. Maybe you lure victims to it, maybe you hide in it between killings, or maybe you haunt it 24/7 because you’re tragically confined by a curse. Whatever the situation, for most of us monsters, a living/un-living space is an important part of our identities. In this column, Monstergeddon award winners share their lair tips and techniques!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Try not to break your console while I try not to break my cyber brain.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.