Zack: I see John McCain's sixth plane was shot down somewhere over Cybertron.
Steve: Imagine waking up from surgery to this situation. "Legion, I've got good news and bad news..."
Zack: Give me the good news first.
Steve: Oh, well, I really thought you would want the bad news first.
Zack: Nope, think positive. Hit me with that good news.
Steve: Remember that part in Star Wars where Darth Vader gets his hand cut off?
Zack: Yeah, I guess. They replaced it with a mechanical hand.
Steve: Exactly. But don't you think it would have been better if they had replaced it with two mechanical hands?
Zack: What!? Two mechanical hands. Doc, you're not making a lick of sense. That would be ridiculous. Absolutely stupid. Why would he want three hands?
Steve: This isn't going the way I thought about in my head before I came in here.
Zack: Holy mother of shit. Sweet Appaloosa bung on a biscuit. Why in the name of Christ do I have three arms?Steve: Um...surprise! This is the good news I was trying to tell you about.
Zack: Legion should be glad he didn't get the surgery 20 years earlier. He'd have seven hooks on one side. Maybe a half-dozen plates bolted to that circus peanut of a head.
Steve: Maybe they just want him to feel like he got a good deal.
As the 19th century diver approaches a giant clam, a flash of brilliant golden light flares from within the shell. I emerge in a swirl of bubbles and do the timeless universal underwater hand signals for the following: ZODIAC KILLER, KKK, BLOOD OF YOUTH
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Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.