That dialogue option in every video game RPG that lets you show what a total dickhead you are


Let's be honest here: we're all pretty much nice dudes. Might be some guys who have tempers or maybe caught some of the autism, but you're not going to see us totally being dicks or anything. Which is why we always lose with the ladies, but that's a whole other ball of angry emails I don't want to get into.

We play computer RPGs and tabletop RPGs to live out our fantasies. Most of us are straight dudes, maybe some girls and gay dudes mixed in, which is cool with me, but my point is we don't want our fantasies to be just like our realities. I don't want to do some adventure where I have to go to Jamie to get him to fix my car's tail light because all I had was modeling tools and I ended up snapping off an X-acto blade in the broken bulb thing and couldn't get it out with the needle-noses I use for holding miniatures while I'm painting. And I only care about the tail light because there's only the one road that leads from mom's to where I work and there's this cop that always parks in the turnoff for the cement plant that closed down to catch speeders and he's warned me like three times and given me a citation that's 30 bucks for out tail light.

That sort of scenario would be lame. Which is why when I play a game I want to be the opposite of me. I want my only job to be hacking up some monsters and thwarting some schemes perpetrated by a wizard sort of dude with a skull head. I want to ride around on a black horse with fire hooves and break hearts that are inside of huge hooters. I want a friend who can unlock stuff and see traps and another friend whose job it is to stand off to the side and periodically shoot life into me with his wizard powers. And most of all, when I talk to people I want to be a huge dickhead. I want to punch out old ladies and tell the mayor to crap in his hat and wear it. I want to shove aliens down sewers for being different and fight dirty whenever I can.

Thanks dude who thought up being a dick in RPG game dialogues. You have forever changed the face of interactive gaming pursuits such as these.

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