~Steve's Maximum Flexing Award~
"Der Katzen von Nippon"
By Ottermotive Insanity
Random Oni Table Rolls
48 broad muscle human body
15 cat head
70 broad ape nose
67 jaded bird eyes
89 toad mouth
79 5 arms
78 human feet, clawed toes
42 bushy eyebrows and beard
14 redish brown skin
Description: Der Katzen von Nippon lives in the neo-FujiYama region where he climbs mountains to befriend the local insectoid population, who he will later feast on. Der Katzen von Nippon is really super strong, like you wouldn't believe. He works out all day, lifting boulders, and squashing insectoids. He especially enjoys working out his groinal arm. His girlfriend is Fraulein Boobenmeister, who has 5 boobs, one for each hand.
Der Katzen von Nippon attacks when ever someone makes mention of his extreme swoleness, or makes fun of his lack of reproductive organs. He is impervious to any sword but the katana, and he can see when ninjas are attacking, so don't even try to sneak up on him.The Verdict
Steve: Look at how pumped up this dude is. He will wreck some adventurers. Flexing his pecs and popping his abs out under that beard.
Zack: Underneath that beard is one big chafed rash.
Steve: That beard looks familiar.Zack: "Rolled a 73. Saddam's beard!"
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Zack Parsons, Steve "Malak" Sumner, and friends tackle bizarre role playing game products that make them wonder, "What the fuck!?" From the early days of Gygax to contemporary role playing games, none will be spared.