FROM: Amir
TO: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
SUBJECT: RE: Something Awful Inc - business cooperation

here are some jokes from our database
theyre short in order for it to fit sms, tell me what u think:

I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They have experience pain and bought jewelry.

Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.

Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam : No, sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

There was a man who said, "I never knew what happiness was until I got married...and then it was too late!"

Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother…

Q. Why Aren't You Married Yet? A. Just lucky, I guess.

Men rules 4 women: Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Q: Could you be happy with a boy like me? A: Maybe, If you weren't around too often!

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

Oh, hahaha, how hilarious! This guy should write for The Alan Brady Show. Keeping in the spirit of cliched crap from the 1960s, I decided to send Amir a few more of my zingers, a small sample fitting the edgy style of SMS zaniness he shared with me.

FROM: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
TO: Amir
SUBJECT: RE: Something Awful Inc - business cooperation

Amir-

These are in deed hilarious jokes and I would pay top dollars for such hilarious material. Your joke about "Homolulu" was priceless! I attended many vacation sun spots with dread hop and lets tell you it was a wife mother - she was no picnic sir! Haha but seriously these are quality joke materials, would you be interesting in swapping some jokes? Like I can pay you to put my jokes on your site? Here is jokes I have made myself (these are copyright jokes so please to not steal):

Q: A man is born with his son in tow, they are in a canoe heading for the ocean. At the last moment a whale attacks this boat! He is a frenzy, he puts out anchor and says "we need to drop weight, what can we throw over boards?" and to which his son says "how about mother's filthy boyfriend Stan who she is cheating on you with?!?!"

A man is in a church for these things. A priest walks to him and expunges "do you have children" and to which the man replies "YES IN A GRAVEYARD!!!!"

Some bar opens up in a rich person's neighborhood. The bar is very uptight. A black man tackles Polish problems in this locale whilst the bartender says "no black Polish men; this is a Jewery for god's sake!!!"

Sometimes a woman gets what is coming to her. This is called a funeral!

Did you hear about what the Pope said on the afternoon trabula? If a streetwalker can claim blessings this from a married man, then the gate people can "women are stupid and shallow and buy things men are better than women."

Hahaha some of these jokes need to be some polished, but overall I think they are very good. I like your jokes more Amir. How much will I cost to put your jokes on my site? I can trade you 12 "Sarah's #1 WebPick" animating gif awards in exchange for one joke too. Do you except Paypal? I have money tied up in a horse race.

God bless,

Richard

Oh those women! Can't live with them... eh, I can't remember the rest. I decided to throw in a few "racist" jokes which make absolutely no sense, to accompany the retarded anti-women jokes which make absolutely no sense. I'm consistent. My quest to amuse Amir was causing me to unleash my most hilarious and witty jokes ever. Would I land this important not a spam business deal?

FROM: Amir
TO: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
SUBJECT: RE: Something Awful Inc - business cooperation

Richard

Not only I'm not asking money for my jokes, but I'm willing to pay you!

Listen,

What I want u 2 do is to put in your web site a text link such as this:

Get SMS: funny jokes by SMS to your mobile phone

And it will refer the surfers to web form in which they could register to daily joke via sms ( http://www.b4u.com/ ).

Then they will start to receive a daily joke to their mobile.

I will pay you for each subscriber 1 USD.

I will give full support. All u have 2 do is put a text link I your web site.

Maybe it would be better if you'll send me your phone and I'll call u.

Regards

Amir

Oh Amir, you cannot call me! Surely my wife will find out about our passionate Internet affair, and then my reputation as "World's Greatest Dad" will be up for grabs! This will never work! Fortunately, my quest to make Amir admit how utterly hilarious I am continued.

More Pranks [Email]

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.