|From: "Dr.Ben Chumas" |
Subject: Re: I can trust you, Dr. Ben!
Thanks for your mail of today. Thanks also for all the good sentiments you expresed towards me.I am indeed very sure that we can work together on the transaction at hand.
However I would want to state that the isue now is not the money that you might send to me.The real thing for now is to roll the proposed transaction off the ground.In pursuit of this, I would like to receive the details of the bank account with which you intend to receive the funds that I mentioned in my propsal leter to.Please send the bank details as soon as you receive this message. I also want to receive your telephone number so that I can call you once in a while.You already have my telephone number and you are free to call me at any time.Remember that I am on telephone number:234-1-4734203.
Hoping to hear from you ASAP.
This is what separates regular doctors from gems like Dr. Ben Chumas; he's willing to work with people like myself! All you budding doctor people out there take note and, if possible, fly to Nigeria / Asia to tutor under Dr. Ben.
|From: "Rich 'Lowtax' Kyanka" |
Subject: Dr. Ben for President in 1997!
Thank you for your prompt reply. Sorry it took me over a day to respond (as those precious children from "Full House" would say, "how rude! You are a horrible Chinaman!"), but we've been getting a lot of business lately and it's hard to keep up. We recently started selling "WTC Memorial Rooftop Parachute Kits" which are home protection packages to allow people to parachute from the roof of their house when terrorists pilot their planes into them. With this recent skirmish in Iraq and the whole North Korea thing, the sales of WTC Memorial Rooftop Parachute Kits are going very strong and we're pulling in a lot of money from them. The secret lies in the fact that the actual parachute is just a nylon blanket with knitting yarn attached to a Korn backpack! Don't tell anybody though, as I want the money to keep rolling in :-P~~~~~~~
By the way, that :-P~~~~~ thing was a silly smile, it's used on the Inter-net to denote silly smiles, sorry if it confused you, I know you Nigerians aren't experts with it comes to those things.
Anyway back onto business: I am interested in sending you all of my bank information as soon as possible, but I don't know what information you need. I went up to my bank Friday and said "Give me all the information for Nigeria" but they weren't able to help me out so I had to come home and somehow my socks caught fire on the way back (but that's a different story). What I need you to tell me is exactly what information I need to ask for so I can get this process started and find myself on the vaginal trail to money and success. Also I noticed you were in Asia. Will this affect our transaction to Nigeria?
Please write back at your earliest convenience. My bank does not open until 8:30 am on Monday, so I would appreciate it if you could contact me before then. I will be able to get to the bank around 1:30 PM because my two kids are coming into town and I have to turn off all the lights and act like I'm not here so they don't start demanding child support or whatever insane things their harpy mother is hammering into their heads. Also I think the postman is spying on me.
Thank you very much,
As I'm sure Dr. Ben noticed, I seem to be slipping into insanity. I blame the root beer. Oh, and my brain.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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