CHEAPEST PRICE EVER!
offer you the lowest price you'll ever find on anything
ever because of our little trade secret: all our cameras
are made out of recycled box mattress springs and cat hair!
We don't even have any employees! All our cash goes into
funding popup ads for every single site on the Internet! If
you can find a site that doesn't slam you with a barrage of
10X popup ads, then we'll REFUND
YOUR MONEY! Refund may take 4-6 decades and may
come in the form of oxygen or money that you previously earned
through your fulltime job.
ONLY HAVE NANOSECONDS LEFT TO ORDER THE
10X MEGAPAN SWIVEL MOUNTED INFRARED SOUL SEEKER! Only
$299.99 (without camera). Take $23 off if you've
been swindled by us before! Take $31 off if you have suffered
scars and burns from a malfunctioning 10X FEMTO RADIFRIEND
ULTRACAM. Take $76 off if you're a GOVERNMENT AGENT
investigating us for MAIL FRAUD! Offer ends 12/19/2912!
Lists, Crackz, Warez,
XXX Starfish Pictures, More
Photos of Other Families, Intercepted
Cries For Help, Gallery of Wounded
Animals in Pain, More
21X MiniCam Tooth Installation Set,
Heat Sensors, Poison
Dart Launching Probe, More
Type R, More
That Replaces Every Window With a Picture of Some Lady on a Porch
Wearing a Bikini, More
Detector Tests for Your Slut Wife, Stick
to Beat Your Children With
IS THE LAST DAY TO GET $100 OFF SOMETHING THAT WE'RE SELLING FOR
$100 MORE THAN USUAL
What's a better Christmas gift than a product that monitors somebody's
every move and reports their vital information back to your control
center where you stare at blurry monitors, hunched over and red-eyed
from lack of sleep? They are all out to get you, you know.
With our new 24XCamUltraSuperMega
model, you'll be able to track multiple targets using the patented
CyberParaNoy-A implant tracker. No more bothersome
governmental elves trying to raid your breadmaker! The governmental
elves are afraid of our cameras and studies have shown that when
400 of our cameras were bought and installed, not a single elf agent
appeared! You'd be foolish to not want that kind of safety!
HURRY UP AND ORDER NOW!
RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING LAZY SLOB!
THEY'RE OUT TO GET YOU!
DO IT NOW IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!
Details - Click Here!
CROTCHSWAPPER KIT ONLY $399.99!
Our award-winning* monitoring system
easily slips into your wife or husband's underwear so you
may monitor them from a remote terminal! No more wondering
if they're cheating on you with some floozy broad! In fact,
even if they aren't cheating on you our camera system will
emit hormones that clogs up their brains and causes them to
seek out and have sex with the first living person they see!
And you'll get it all on tape! Comes with a business
card of a divorce lawyer and a free Blockbuster movie
rental card so you can check out that one movie about
the lying husband who cheats on his wife and then she bashes
his skull open with a fireplace poker and dumps the body into
the middle of a lake! Click
here for more information!
50XCam GRAB BAG BOX OF BAGS!
We've got crates and crates of things in our warehouse that
have some kind of crazy foreign writing on them which we can't
quite make out, even if we squint a lot. We're
willing to let these grab bag boxes of bags go for a low,
low, low price of whatever we're currently charging for
them! Previous customers have really lucked out with these,
receiving such incredible things as a broken pencil, dead
bug, bag of wheat, rusty bolts, and a slightly used baby pacifier
that has the word "MUFFIN" printed on it! Hurry
up and order now before the last moss-covered slab of plywood
is gone! Click
here for more information!
We made up the award.
ONLINE OR USE YOUR FAT, BLOATED, DOUGHY FINGERS TO CALL US AT 1-888-555-5869!
OUR OPERATORS ARE WAITING BY, PLAYING SOLITAIRE AND SMOKING
are posted in $US currency. We do not accept any other forms of currency
unless you place them in a burlap bag which has a big dollar sign drawn
on it via Magic Marker. We do not offer refunds or exchanges for any
product that turns out to be defective, invisible, nonexistent, or
deadly to all human beings. All orders sent to Canada will be filled
with 600% more foam peanuts so they'll stick to all your clothing and
carpet when you open the box. Some plastic peanuts may be made of enriched
uranium. If you would like Express Shipping, please come on down here
and send it your damn self.
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10X News and Headlines
Order 3 Amazing 10XCam9Cam2s For the Price of
4 and Get 1 ABSOLUTELY FREE!!!
Your time is running out to purchase the laser-guided
15X Spy Drone which was recently called a threat to national security!
Order today before
your friends get one and release it on you! IT HAS CLAWS!
The words "NEW" here are brand new! We just typed
them the other day! We were thinking of printing the words "OLD"
but the advertising guy said that would be a bad idea! And
since he drives a brand new used Toyota, who are we to argue with him?
We've sold over
three of the brand new 77XUltraSlim SnoopCam within the past 12
months! And two of those were to people who actually ordered them!
The new 77XUltraSlim SnoopCam model comes with a device that prevents
it from lighting pets on fire, although it
doesn't really work!
Our 39-Camera Jumbo Pak was created for you security-minded individuals!
of your shitty apartment can now be monitored with our bulky, buzzing,
The fancy new 95X-F-Cam Cam Monitor will
monitor your 10X Cameras to make sure they aren't spying on you!
Check out the brand
new 172XFCam Cam Cam Monitor which monitors your 95X-F-Cam Cam Monitors
to make sure they aren't spying on you while pretending to spy on the
The 24X HogCam
was recently rated #1 by American Hog Farmer Monthly! Pick
one up today and monitor your prize hogs with the greatest of ease!
This camera also works on really fat guys and
See in total darkness with our patented "Darkness Illuminating
Cam"! Comes with a large flashlight. Batteries
Save $100 on your next purchase of something
our competitors own! Residents
of Earth exempt from this offer.
ME I'M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL!
Our 50G-X Cam9 reads the thought patterns of your enemies and preemptively
shoots them with a mounted 100mm cannon! They might also shoot you too
if you don't purchase the 50G-X Cam9 AntiCam System Displacement Unit!
So hurry up
and order now because you'll be too dead to order later!
THE POLICE, I'M BEING FORCED AT GUNPOINT TO WRITE THESE HEADLINES!
Every order ships with a roll of those plastic bubble things and a piece
of paper that says "INSPECTED BY #19." Most of the bubbles
were popped in-house by our bored, heroin-addicted employees! Actual
order shipped separately. #19 does parties and bar mitzvahs, so reserve
MY WIFE AND KIDS THAT I LOVE THEM, I'M GOING TO TRY TO ESCAPE!
Every package has been inspected for evil shellfish
and other horrors of the deep.