Hey kids! Looking for the hottest new toy this holiday season? Why not grab an awesome new old
Accept no imposters! These are
replicas of the
Possessed Dummy From Hell as seen in the 1927 Smithy Brothers feature film release, "Softshoe Sully Takes a Holiday." This authentic Possessed Dummy From Hell is guaranteed to contain the spirit of an evil minor deity or greater inside, granting it the following inherent skills and talents:
Levitation - Amaze family and friends by lifting them five feet into the air and casually flinging their lifeless bodies into a nearby wall! The Possessed Dummy From Hell is a one man magic show, defying gravity and conventional physics with the powers of his patented glowing eye technology from 3M! Authentic fishing wire and long wooden poles not included.
Fun Murder Mysteries - Invite a group of guests over for Boxing Day festivities and watch as they mysteriously disappear one by one! Try to guess who's lifeless corpse will appear in the Frigidaire next!
Patented Glowing Eye Technology From 3M - Most cinematic scholars agree that the climax of "Softshoe Sully Takes a Holiday" occurs roughly 163 minutes into the film, when protagonist Softshoe Sully opens the wooden chest his sailor uncle left in his basement and discovers the Possessed Dummy From Hell, whose eyes briefly glow before organ music begins to play and the movie cuts to a blank screen reading, "SHOCKED SULLY BEATS A HASTY RETREAT." These glowing eyes scared "the hinders" off audiences in the late 1920s, so just imagine the raw terror they'll cause these days! Probably a lot! Maybe even more. If that wasn't scary enough, and we assure you it certainly is, the Possessed Dummy From Hell has the ability to slowly slide his eyes from one side to the other when somebody walks in front of him. We've seen a ton of movies, and let us tell you, there's apparently nothing scarier than that, except maybe that scene where the horse falls off the boat in "The Ring."
Act now and receive a ketchup packet full of grey blood that you can drip out of the corner of your mouth to infer that you are dead. Make sure to roll your eyes up too or else all the flappers and Gibson Girls simply won't find the act believable enough. Call 1-800-FOR-DUMY and ask for Paco. He will know who you are and where you live. Possessed Dummy From Hell is fully USB 2.0 compatible.