Appearing In: Crack Comics
Dr. Thorpe: He's about as un-condor-like as you could possibly get. Look at him swarming around those spotlights. He's obviously a purple moth.
Zack: Are those spotlights? I thought someone was shooting pool and there was a bug on the table.
Dr. Thorpe: According to Black Condor's bio, he's a senator who was raised by condors in Mongolia, and he learned to fly by watching them. By watching condors, that is, not by watching other senators.
Zack: Ah, well that makes sense, that's exactly how I learned to fuse atoms. I just stared at the sun for a couple weeks.
Dr. Thorpe: I learned to photosynthesize by watching my lawn.
Zack: Somehow I don't think the real condors would be too happy with his bio. "We don't look anything like that. Do we? Do we?!"
Dr. Thorpe: I don't think condors use that much Nair. And even a condor has better taste than to wear shorts that short.
Zack: It also says in his bio that Black Condor crafted his wings from a pair of a giant woman's panties.
Dr. Thorpe: He appeared in something called "Crack Comics," which is a series based on the horrifying drug-dreams of its creators.
Zack: In this issue Black Condor takes down Cirque De Plano, the world's most flamboyant fighter pilot.
Dr. Thorpe: He's going to shoot him with his wrinkly-phallus-blaster. Cirque De Plano is saying "No, please spare my big meaty fused-together hand!"
Dr. Thorpe: "It belongs in a museum!"
Zack: Those leather shorts make me wonder if he has a sidekick. The Red Bottom? The Flying Twink? Oily Lad?
Dr. Thorpe: The Leaping Fairy? The Pink Bum? Or maybe he'd be more into The Leather Bear.
Zack: I like how he was raised by condors yet he becomes a US Senator. I wish the real senate worked like that. I would like to see Joe Biden suddenly try to take Tom DeLay's eyes out with his razor sharp talons.
Dr. Thorpe: Stock footage of the Capitol would probably always show a few senators flying around in casual circles above the dome.
Zack: I'm sure CSPAN would enjoy an incredible surge in market share, although that would probably level off when the Senate Parliamentarian includes a rule prohibiting senators from attaching razorblades to their dewclaws.
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