Zack: I wonder where you can buy a lace shooter's doiley.
Steve: Can we skip this one?
Zack: What is it?
Steve: Nothing. I just don't like it. It's boring.
Zack: Is it the backdrop that makes it look like she's posing in a Sears catalog from the 80s?
Steve: No. It's just lame.
Zack: Joking about the lameness is the whole point of this article, Steve.
Steve: She's just really weird and ugly.
Zack: That's not fair! She might not be winning any beauty pageants, but she's got that school teacher look going for her. There has got to be more going on than that.
Steve: She looks like someone I don't like.
Zack: Come on, spill it.
Steve: She looks like my mom.
Zack: Maybe it is your mom! Could it be?
Steve: No way, her name is Cassandra Sumner.
Zack: Is your mom a Republican?
Steve: Which one of them hates pornos?
Steve: She's a Republican then because she totally trashed my stack of Clubs I had in my closet.
Zack: Did she shoot them with a black .38 revolver?
Steve: No, she burned them in the fireplace and made the whole house stink because you're not supposed to burn magazines indoors.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
There is a witch hunt going on right now and I promise you that you will not find any witches in the pleasure room in my congressional office.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.