Zackula: I have never seen a more sarcastically named product.

Dr. Thorpenstein: You know how almost every mass-market costume for women is like "Sexy Prisoner" or "Sexy Doctor" or "Sexy Witch?"

Dr. Thorpenstein: It's the same for cats except "Miserable."

Zackula: Also this costume is nothing like historical cat princesses.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Tell me more, Zack.

Zackula: Anyone who does even cursory research knows that the cat princesses of the 16th and 15th century favored paper bags which they put on by sliding across a kitchen or hardwood floor. Earlier Japanese cat princesses, of course, wore kogal fashion and had to serve the boy who saved them from their gem.

Zackula: It was not until the 1980s that the felt hennin became popular because of Hollywood portrayals of cat princesses. So if you can live with your crappy inaccurate fantasy instead of demanding the truth, well, I feel sorry for you.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Cat princesses nowadays rule their kingdoms by moaning like they're dying and crawling backwards on their bellies as if they're, I don't know, maybe trying to back out of their hats or something.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Wait one second: "Caution: This item is intended to be used for a short duration, under close supervision. Do not use for more than a few hours. Fit should allow room for two fingers to fit between the item and the pet. Do not use as a restraint."

Dr. Thorpenstein: Even the pet costume company unabashedly admits that this product is completely inhumane.

Zackula: More than a few hours? Short duration? I hope people read that warning or it is definitely possible that cats could be wearing this hat for weeks after Halloween.

Dr. Thorpenstein: Caution: don't put costumes on your cat, idiot.

Zackula: It's a warning the cat probably communicates adequately itself.


More Fashion SWAT

This Week on Something Awful...

About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

Previous Articles

Suggested Articles

Copyright ©2017 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.