Vesa (26)

"The latex mask is by Kirsi Nisonen, the hoodie is by Daniel Palillo, the KTZ leggings are from Wunder, the Japan inspired boots are vintage Diesel.

Nu rave and renaissance, the time of Christopher Columbus and baggy shapes inspire me - but always with a touch of Nazi Germany to avoid a too clowny and buffoon look!"

Dr. Thorpe: Man, Storm Shadow got really gay since he started reading manga.

Zack: Maybe Batman movies are just beginning another one of those tragic downward spirals.

Zack: Actually, you know what, he looks like Orko.

Dr. Thorpe: Orko was always really gay.

Zack: Dickheads of the Universe will be right back!

Dr. Thorpe: This guy isn't really gay, though. He's too weird to be gay, so he transcends gay. He's not so gay he's straight, either. He doesn't even fuck animals or inanimate objects. He's so fucking off the sexual spectrum that inanimate objects fuck him. He doesn't even have to do anything. He just walks in his door and his toaster leaps onto his dick.

Zack: I can imagine him heading down into the sewer to listen to the tones of the pipe egg. He floats down there during the commercial break and pops that thing in his ass.

Dr. Thorpe: I think the only reasonable explanation for a person dressing like this is that dressing like this allows you to fly.

Dr. Thorpe: And call me crazy, but this guy strikes me as a guy who can fly. He's just about to achieve liftoff in this picture, I think.

Zack: I think he's more of a ground effect vehicle. He hovers around kicking up dust and flinging cheeseburger wrappers and used condoms at you.

Dr. Thorpe: You know what I find comforting? The fact that, from reading his blurb, I can tell that he is every bit as ridiculous and detestable as his fashion sense.I'd be a little weirded out if he seemed like a nice guy, but no, all is right with the world. He is a huge titty.

Zack: When I think Christopher Columbus, Nazi Germany, and not looking "too clowny" I definitely think of a pink latex Lone Ranger mask and a 6XL sweatshirt.

Dr. Thorpe: Like, have you ever seen an interview with John Mayer? He seems like a truly decent, funny, interesting guy, which is profoundly disquieting since he sucks so fucking bad.

Zack: No, but I saw a YouTube video where he was screaming about Ron Paul, so maybe he's not such a decent guy.

Dr. Thorpe: Oh, he's an idiot? Whew, what a relief. I'll stick him in the "tit" file with this guy and move on.

Zack: If the musicians are rocking out for the invisible hand of the free market, the abolition of the department of education, and a return to the gold standard, then, well, actually that's probably better than rocking out for farm subsidies.

Dr. Thorpe: Keep On Rockin' in the Free Market.

Zack: Sunday Profitable Sunday.

Zack: Anarcho-Capitalism in the UK.

Dr. Thorpe: "Go back / to those gold standardz."

Zack: "How long / how long will this song remain viable as a revenue stream?"

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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