Dr. Thorpe:Diaper Rash: A Conspiracy of Jews?
Zack:The Zionists have definitely had their hands in the diaper. Ahhhh, after all that racism and homophobia in the last one it's really nice to head back to the familiar territory of anti-Semitism.
Dr. Thorpe:The left side of that bar graph is "Israeli Military Actions" and the right side is "Use of Baby Wipes," and the label just says "COINCIDENCE?"
Zack:I think he's just reusing his bagel project from last year. He covered up the hole in the center with a snazzy little bar graph. Something about how uncircumcised babies get much more severe diaper rash.
Dr. Thorpe:Yeah, I bet it took him forever to figure out how he was going to work in the Jewish angle. Then he'd already been working for like five hours on stuff about how unleavened bread helps prevent chafing when he realized that he could just stick another picture over the Star of David, but by then it was too late.
Zack:He asked his dad for money for new poster board, but his dad said "Ibrahim, do you have any idea how much paper costs these days? Be a mensch and just glue something over the bagel from last year. You like the Christian babies so much, why not do something about their blood or something."
Dr. Thorpe:Jesus, Zack, want to just deny the Holocaust while you're at it and we'll call it a day? Or did you get all your Holocaust denial out of the way in your new book, My Tank is Fight!, available for preorder now!
Zack:Oy vey, if I can't make fun of the Jews, who can? We certainly can't trust the Jews to make fun of themselves.
Dr. Thorpe:I'll tell you one thing, though: you can trust them with the ass of your baby. They will do it no wrong.
Are you concerned that you may be a character trapped in a Tom Waits song? Be smart and learn the warning signs before it's too late. Also, it's too late. It has always been too late.
I'm haunted by a recurring vision of a skeleton flipping me off. To avoid seeing this terrifying image in bumper sticker form, I pay someone with a blank bumper to drive in front of me at all times.
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.