Dr. Thorpe:I had the same outfit but it got confiscated by the police.

Zack:Yeah, I saw that outfit being sold in the redundancy department at JC Penny.

Dr. Thorpe:I think the point of this garish outfit is to distract the eye from the decor. What is that thing? A catcher's mitt made out of strawberry Jell-o?

Zack:I think it's a kitchen built outside in the jungle.

Dr. Thorpe:They dress her up in this outfit and send her out into the bush to draw out leopards.

Zack:I think that's somehow racist but I haven't completed my court-mandated cultural sensitivity class. We're still on the chapter where they explain how Polish people don't really build houses upside down.

Dr. Thorpe:What the hell is this ridiculous revisionist history they're teaching nowadays?

Zack:It's what happens when the world gets too politically correct and suddenly it's not okay to gag when you see a Chinese person getting a drink from a drinking fountain.

Dr. Thorpe:Next they'll be telling us the Welsh don't really run on coal dust.

Zack:I don't even know what a Welsh is, but they sound absolutely filthy.

Dr. Thorpe:Well, then you basically DO know what a Welsh is.

Zack:Oh, they're related to the Chinese.

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About This Column

Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.

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