Dr. Thorpe:BIG FESTERIN'
Zack:I wonder if he can put a spinna in his mouth and it starts going round and round.
Dr. Thorpe:Why do you say that? Because his shoes are plugged in?
Zack:"Shit, I know what'll be tight for this pic. I'll go stand in the corner next to that bomb ass pepper clock. Gotta lean so they sees it!"
Dr. Thorpe:"Yo, lean just a little more, then it'll look like a cartoon parrot on your shoulder or something, it'll be dope as hell."
Zack:With such a minimalist chin he looks a lot like Earthworm Jim in a track suit.
Dr. Thorpe:You know those stupid parody movies where they superimpose faces on thumbs?
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
Republicans announce that all legislation must be voted on at 2am in a secret chamber, with no one but the lobbyists who write the bills seeing a single line of text. Democrats' Response: Stumbling around a field stepping on rakes, handles smashing them directly in their faces every single time.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.