Zack: "Yes, I would like a tattoo that cancels itself out."
Dave: I guess it's kind of like the yin-yang symbol, because Jesus cannot exist without the satanic vampire, and vice versa.
Zack: Although the vampire doesn't really look afraid of the crucifix. Maybe slightly perplexed, like he's about to say something a little confused.
Dave: On the other arm he has a faint swastika with a stylized portrait of David Ben-Gurion over it.
Zack: And on his chest a faint swastika with a confused Hindu swastika over it.
Dave: I'm going to get an Artist Formerly Known as Prince symbol with Batman over it.
Zack: This tattoo was all a coverup for his original "shadow catches a football" tattoo.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.