Dr. Thorpe: Well, I think we've found the biggest fan of Lorenzo Lamas's "Renegade" that we're ever likely to find.
Zack: That face up in the sky looks like the poster for "Chinatown." "Forget about it Jake, it's a woman's back." Lorenzo looks like he's driving on a topographic map of the Rockies.
Dr. Thorpe: I thought he was driving over the ocean. Stranger things have happened in tattoos.
Zack: Yeah, I have seen motorcycles being driven by skeletons flying past giant wolves. But why would there be a tree growing out of the ocean?
Dr. Thorpe: Forget about it Zack, it's Renegade.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
Fashion SWAT... the fashion industry is obsessed with impracticality. We know that what designers create was never meant to be worn by the grimy masses, but that doesn't somehow diminish how ridiculous many of these costumes are. Make no mistake, they are costumes, and like a Halloween prize pageant we will turn our discerning gaze on the grievous fashion misfires of Paris, Milan, and New York. We're not pulling any punches, and we're definitely not interested in making any friends. We're Joan Rivers without Melissa Rivers to temper our screeching. We're the Fashion Police in jack boots. We are Fashion SWAT.