From: Andrey Kossov
Subject: (No subject)
Dear Jeff ! Your site is wonderful, at least people are now fully guided as to games, processors, video- and sound cards. That's all nice. However, would like to ask you for your expert opinion on such game as Half-Life, which take a huge part in today's gaming community, besides Quake and Unreal Torunament. It was a good idea to compare Karnov and Quake 3, what about comparing Half-Life and some other game, choice is yours ?
Best regards, Haunted
half life dose not seem to run on my computar. that is okey becauyse Gordon freeman is a pedofile and those scietists are very stupid and dumb looking> BUT THAT is okey because GABE NEWILL (he runs valve softwear) is smart and he will use powerplay to make my modem feel like a LAN PARTY
THANK YOU GAB NOVEL FOR MAKEING MY MODEM FEEL LIKE A GAMEING LAN PARTY BECAUSE OF YUOR POWERPLAY DEVICE IS IT USB OR PARALEL PORT SMARTY? ANSWER ME NOW AND WHER IS TEEN FORTRESS 2.? I WANT TO PLAY AS BIRTANNY SPEERS YUO STUPID FAGOT
From: Bonko, the Talking Mime
Subject: Question for the column
Hey Jeff. I need your advice on something. Ya see, I girl I like was recently dumped by her boyfriend and I really wanna ask her out. Should I ask now or give her some time to get over it? You're the only person who can give me sound advice, since you are quite clearly the smartest human being on the face of this Earth. Thank you for your time. Vaya con Odin.
NO YOUI should ask here out now becuase (IN psycologistical terms) she in on teh "rebound" which meanes she is very hot and will want you! you can show her you are hot for her by fighting with anybody that tryes to go out with her and tyuo should write notes that say "MARRY ME" on them and then folow her home every day from school and hide in the bushes when she turnes around and at night buy goggles and look at her through teh window and make bird sounds outside and when she goes to find teh bird yuo throw a rock at her head so her shirt might fall off and yuo can see a boob. then RUN AWAY becuase it will bne only minutes until teh cops show up and pull up yuor zippar before yuo run or a calamity could fall on you! ther yuo go
FUNNY MOMENT THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME OF THE WEEK:
me and Jerry were at teh grocary store and there was soem dumb kid outside and he was talking about wich pokemon is teh best and he was saying Pidgeotta is teh best but I was like "YUO STUPID FUCK, METAPOD IS THE BEST POEKEMON FAGT!" and jerry had some gum and we threw it at him and the kid started crying and we laughed and jerry died because he was lactose intolarant. then jeryy and I went hoem and played monononopoly and he stuck a house up his nose which was funnie until the blood starting comeing out.#
SEND ME MORE EMALE AND I WILL WRITE ABOUT YUO IN MY COLUMN NEXT WEEK AND WRITE BETTAR QUESTIONS bceayse some of them were frankely dumb. and if yuo send me meane emales, i will put yuor adress in the lettar like the ppl above so everybody knows yuo = fagot.
- JEFF K>
Apparently you do want to be lonely, because you defied the one rule of Farmers Only.
We've found some cool stuff in the woods. Now it's time for you to pinkie swear you won't tell mom and dad.
I highly recommend Windows 10 With Mouse + Keyboard Support Edition
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.