From: The Enigma
Subject: (No subject)
You are a genius. You have provided me with insights on games and hardware that I never would have received without you. Because of you, I realize that Unreal Tournament is a shit game for faggots. Upon reflection, I realize that my love for that game was never true; I always liked Quake better, but could never put my distaste for Unreal into words. You helped me greatly. (And let's face it, Crispin Antcow has no fucking clue as to what's going on. Your maps are fifteen thousand times better than his.)
Also, I'll be getting a better video card soon. I'll have to peruse your articles on video cards as well as those written in PC magazines before I make my decision. The opinion of the common man is always important.
Keep hacking, man. And don't listen to the stupid assholes who say you're ignorant - they're just jealous because they don't have testicles.
thank u. MANY ppl buy Unreale Tournamint and arent aware that it sucks so they keep palaying it and then they DENY that is sucks and DENIALE is teh first step to a world of hurt. SO I write my colamns and inform them that they are palaying a vary terible game and THEY SHOULD BE PLAYING QUAKE 3 AREANEA becuase there si no quad damage in Unreaele and unreale uses GLADE. QUAKE 3 IS A MUCH BETTAR GAME THANKS TO TEH WONDERFUL WORK OF JOHN CARMACKE WHO IS NOT A FAGOT AT ALL AND IF I WROTE HE WAS A FAGOT IN A PREVIOUS COLAMN I APOALAGIZE BECAUSE I DONT WANT ANA KAANG TO HIT ME IN TEH FACE AGAINElike last time.
Anna KAng is marryed to john carmack so he cannote be a fagot unless he is covering it up somehow AND ANA KAANG has vary pretty hair which i take pictures of and collect and i have 500 megs of ana kaang hair pictares in a secrat folder on my hard drive. BUT DONT TELL HER!
FUNNY MOMENT THAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME OF THE WEEK:
jeryy and me were makeing a comic book one day called "SPACE ADVENTURES PATROL" and jerry's sistar came into the room and she started yelling at me AND saying that i was stareing at her last night through her window when she was haveing sex with her boyfriend but THAT WAS NOT TRUE I WAS LOOKING FOR JERRY BUT I WAS LOOKING IN TEH WRONG ROOM AND I KEPT STAREING BECAUSE I THOUGHT JERRY WOULD WALK IN BUT HE NEVER DID and jerry's sistar was handcuffed to teh bed but i am not sure that her boyfriend was a police officer. SOOOO i kept watching and i took pictares of her hair but teh flash went off so i ran away because i didnt want teh policeman to get me.
ANYWAYS, next day we were makeing teh comic book and i was drawing "SPACE CREATARE X" and jery was working on "SPACE KILLCRICK" and then his sistar came in and started yelling and throwing stuff and Jerrys' mom came in and dropped the groceries and jerry ate a crayon and i ran home again and pretended there was spaceships chaseing me. here is a pictures from out comic book witch we will produce soon onsce we can find a publishar.
SEND ME MORE EMALE AND I WILL WRITE ABOUT YUO IN MY COLUMN NEXT WEEK AND WRITE BETTAR QUESTIONS bceayse some of them were frankely dumb. and if yuo send me meane emales, i will put yuor adress in the lettar like the ppl above so everybody knows yuo = fagot.
- JEFF K>
You Will Read This Headline. Then You'll Laugh. Then You'll Realize You Were Wrong All Along.
'We’re going to be in trouble!' Little Sister wailed, clutching her favorite book to her chest and sobbing. 'This isn’t fun like a story anymore!' But Big Sister was not listening, she was thinking. She grabbed Little Sister’s book from her and ran into town, yelling 'Help! A book made me and my sister hurt someone!'
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.