More Importantly, Why Not Las Vegas?

The Las Vegas tourism industry, which receives over $768 billion a year (note: we made that statistic up), has enough cash to cover up the "real" facts behind Las Vegas. We financed some inside studies and research to learn the truth behind Las Vegas, and the informative essays these junior high students produced during summer vacation shocked and amazed us all.

  • The crime rate in Las Vegas has been steadily increasing since the year it was founded, whereas FAKE Las Vegas has had a consistently high crime rate ever since we opened! You'll know what to expect when coming to FAKE Las Vegas, unlike Las Vegas, where the odds that you may survive an evening change daily! Just take a look at this shocking line graph!


Okay, so we weren't able to create an accurate line graph in the allotted time, but you get the general idea.

  • The founder of Las Vegas, Jack Ruby, was actually convicted for assassinating President Reagan when he was touring the Texas Book Suppository in 1958! Do you want to vacation in a town that promotes such horrible crimes against humanity? While FAKE Las Vegas founder Carl "The Duke" Winchester certainly doesn't have a clean legal track record by any means, he has NEVER been convicted of assassinating a President of the United States from a room in Texas. Soliciting a horse, yes, but never assassination.
  • The city of Las Vegas is responsible for spawning the ultimate evil and vile work of nonfiction ever created, "Las Vegas Diary" by Vance Briceland. This online diary has the power to instantly cause paralysis and a complete neural breakdown within minutes of reading the first paragraph. Thanks a lot, Las Vegas!
More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.