The REAL Elvis Pressley(by a court ruling we are required to formally announce that The REAL Elvis Pressley is in no way associated with Elvis Presley)

Belting out such classics as "Love is a Hot Tamale", "Halloween Rock", and "The Postmortem Blues", The REAL Elvis Pressley(by a court ruling we are required to formally announce that The REAL Elvis Pressley is in no way associated with Elvis Presley)offers a musical extravaganza second to none. His mere presence sends shivers down women's spines and seizures through the hearts of millions. Every weekday at 9:30 pm, right after "The New Family Feud", The REAL Elvis Pressley(by a court ruling we are required to formally announce that The REAL Elvis Pressley is in no way associated with Elvis Presley)swaggers onto stage and starts the show.

9:30 PM - Pyrotechnics show starts. Show may be delayed by a few minutes depending on how reliable the bottle rockets fuses are.

9:48 PM - Fire department shows up and extinguishes all remaining flames. Burn victims are taken to the hospital.

9:52 PM - The REAL Elvis Pressley(by a court ruling we are required to formally announce that The REAL Elvis Pressley is in no way associated with Elvis Presley)kicks off the musical portion of the show by singing "Stuck on Ham", "It's Like October in November", "I Gets the Shakes When She Stomps the Brakes", "Where My Bitches Is At?", and "Moscow Woman". Firehoses are then turned on the audience so the following pyrotechnical display won't vaporize their clothing.

10:14 PM - Second pyrotechnical display begins. All empty seats are used to store dangerous oil-soaked rags and gasoline canisters. Surviving audience members are given $5.00 coupons to "General Tex Eatem's Good Times Happy Buffet and Filling Station."

10:20 PM - The REAL Elvis Pressley(by a court ruling we are required to formally announce that The REAL Elvis Pressley is in no way associated with Elvis Presley)wraps up the show with a heartwarming performance of "Get Out of My Barn", "How (the Creeping Death) Ruined (My Life)", "I'd Become Gay Just to Marry Jack Daniels", and "Really Fat Tuesday." After the officials come and carry The REAL Elvis Pressley(by a court ruling we are required to formally announce that The REAL Elvis Pressley is in no way associated with Elvis Presley)out on a gurney, all remaining audience members are offered the opportunity to touch The REAL Elvis Pressley's(by a court ruling we are required to formally announce that The REAL Elvis Pressley is in no way associated with Elvis Presley)handkerchief, which has absorbed enough sweat to fill the Grand Canyon.

The REAL Elvis Pressley(by a court ruling we are required to formally announce that The REAL Elvis Pressley is in no way associated with Elvis Presley)is one of the last "true entertainers" of America. But don't take our word for it - download his famous smash single, "Viva La FAKE Las Vegas" (1.8 megs), which was recorded live in the FAKE Las Vegas Sound Chamber! It will thrill and amaze you, but probably not for the reasons you're guessing.

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