START TO SCREAM OBSECENE AT ME BLOW YOUR CREW TO SMITHERINES
Hey, what you do with my friends at a gay club is your own business, pal! I'm not into those backdoor shenanigans, so keep it to yourself!
YOUR BLOOD BE SPREAD ACROSS THE GREAT STATES STRAIGHT FROM HERE TO QUEENS
No, all my blood is currently inside my body, thanks.
I'M RIPPIN YOU TO SHREADS LIKE A DICER, COULDNT BEEN NICER
Hmmm, that doesn't really sound nice at all. Well, for me at least.
FAST ATTACKS WITH A KNIFER AND THEN I TURN INTO THE SLICER
Wait, so you're a dicer AND a slicer? Are you a fabulous Ron Popeil invention? Maybe this has something to do with the "installments" you mentioned earlier! I get it now! You're so smart, Blaze! And you handle a "knifer" very well!
CHORUSMY EYES ARE MADE OF FIRE GOT MOLTEN LAVA IN MY VEINS BOY
How do you keep your eyebrows from disintegrating? Doesn't that give you a headache? And molten lava in your veins sounds very painful, perhaps you should seek medical help or at least take some asprin.
I LEAVE A PATH OF PURE INFERNO THE RAPPER KNOWN AS BLAZE BOY
Oh, that sounds much more effective than leaving a path of bread crumbs, like in Hansel and Grettle. I mean, a gigantic tornado of fire would be much harder for birds to eat, especially compared to some tiny chunks of bread.
AND IN 44 DAYS AND 44 NIGHTS BOY
...I get DSL! Woohoo! Thanks for remembering.
I'LL BE ONTOP OF THE WORLD AS THE NEWEST FUCKIN CRAZE BOY
So you're going to travel to the North Pole and have sex with another insane kid? Why? You can just do that at the "Pocket Rocket Station".
LOOK INTO MY EYES BOY DEFY IT BOY
Wait a minute, you've just rhymed "boy" with "boy" the past five times. Might I suggest something more creative like "Rob Roy", "sex toy", "Hatfield and McCoy", or "gettin' welfare checks with LeRoy"?
DECIDED BOY GIVE YOU AN ASS WHOOPIN AND SUPERSIZE IT BOY
..."I'm here to annoy", "I bring you pain but not joy", or "I am afraid of Dianna Troy"?
WHAT THE FUCK MAN I HEAR YO SHIT ON THE RADIO AND IT SUCK MAN
The only way you could get your "rap music" on the radio is if you made a tape and physically placed it on top of the radio.
We've found some cool stuff in the woods. Now it's time for you to pinkie swear you won't tell mom and dad.
There's a Brainiac. He's not THE Brainiac. However, he's one aspect of Brainiac. Or maybe there's supposed to be a different Brainiac in every universe and they're all cosmically connected, presumably via their brains. Either way, I think this particular Brainiac is the boss Brainiac.
I highly recommend Windows 10 With Mouse + Keyboard Support Edition
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.