Instant Internet Cyberspace Connection
One easy step and you're in "Cyberspace"!
When you watched "Tron" for the first time and saw the "Internet", didn't it make you feel like it was actually a good film? Didn't you wish that you could cruise through this colorful, dynamic new world? Well, the future is now with MoFOS! Just connect to AOL with your modem, then peer close at your screen (squinting helps) and you'll instantly be in CYBERSPACE! Take some time to explore this new universe. Look in awe at your fractally generated surroundings where everything is wibbly wobbly! FANTASTIC! In your travels you will undoubtedly see other MoFOS users floating around the Internet's psychedelic-graph paper intestinal tracts . You can interact with them - touching, groping, and even sexual intercourse are all possible in this "Virtual" world - and force feedback (provided by fibre optical cables) means you will feel everything without the need for cumbersome body suits.
WARNING: Spending too much time in Cyberspace will digitize your body and you will become part of the mainframe database science cycle and your body will disappear, and then all the phones will start ringing or something.
WARNING: Watch out for badly drawn CG spikey balls. They are probably not good and will kill you. THEY ARE VIRUSES! If you die in Cyberspace, you die in real life. The death signals go straight to your brain and your body disappears or a trickle of blood dribbles from the corner of your mouth.
Virtual Reality File System
Attempt to delete those cumbersome files with fun, exciting, 30 minute procedures! You'll be on "The Edge" of your seat!
Well FUCK! Updating your files and shit is remarkably boring in other OSs. However, MoFOS has done some very innovative and ingenious work on new file managing programs. Rather than clicking on a file and then pressing the dull "del" key, you can now put on CyberGoggles and roam around your computer's floppy drive, somewhat like cyberspace (but it's different because it's not the Internet). Once in the computer's hard disk, you can shoot files to delete them. People we tested this on got a bit trigger happy so we decided that once the files are shot,they wouldn't actually be deleted. This is great because you'll never accidentally delete a file again, ensuring you won't lose that important speech about nuclear power or the world's first cold fusion reactor! We are still working on the file creation process, and it will be addressed in MoFOS 2.0. It may involve "CyberCopulation" with other files.
Obviously, the first thing necessary to getting back in shape is buying a bunch of expensive knick-knacks.
Finally, a look at the candidate's long-delayed tax returns.
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