Code blue: we're getting Feels! If you don't have a sibling then replace this with a parent or close friend. Odds are good somebody you know is going to unexpectedly kick off in 2014. Try to keep busy and entertained all you want, try to forget, but it's gonna happen. You're gonna suffer a serious loss right in your Feels. Imagine all the time you can spend wallowing in memories of happy times. All the Feels you can share with friends and family. This has the potential to be the most Epic Feels all year. Unless the animated GIFs are particularly good in 2014 the death of a family member is probably going to win. Unless it gets trumped by...
It's incredible how ad companies know just how to connect their product to your life in a way that zaps you right in the Feels. There's the sad indie rock, the under-saturated shots of a life well-lived, people growing old, starting lives, you never knew how good mayo could taste with a side of Feels. Drink responsibly? Drink these Feel tears about how marshmallow vodka is equated with the honor of a gentleman. Oh, man, those Chrome ads with the dad? The FEeEEEeeeeLs. But those TV ads are nothing compared to...
This is the number one killer Feel. You're at work, killing time reading Facebook, or maybe you're sitting somewhere in a waiting room and reading it on your phone. Whatever you're doing, wherever you are, when the right image macro hits, the Feels don't stand a chance. Because it can be so unexpected, this is a brutal Feels threat. It may even be the ultimate Feels. Macklemore lyrics on a picture of a gay couple, something about flood victims, a sad story of an animal and a homeless guy, a kid who got some weird disease and melted, or just about anything that has to do with nostalgia. A good nostalgia Feel that makes you think about your own wasted life is the ultimate Feel. Not even dead relatives can top that one.
TOTAL WRECK - crazy-eyed hound is covered in cobwebs, has a vespiary on back, graffiti on side and savage thirst for boat fuel. Frankly, I'm in over my head. He's in room 115 at Motel 6, yours free. 555-2851
Yes, it's the perfect form for surviving a car crash. But it's also the perfect form for so much more, like surviving the trauma of reading any news headline in 2016.
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