Buddy, watch it, because when I am in your area I am liable to go buck wild. At least that is what I have learned from playing a few hours of the fifth Grand Theft Auto game.
I have been living out my male power fantasies in Los Santos. The world of the game is full of places to go and things to do beyond the bloody gun battles, weird stripper boob mini games, golf, tennis, and whatever you call the sport where you jack knife trucks on the sidewalk and skid through pedestrians. There is a city waiting to be explored and endless emergent activities for you to discover on your own.
Yeah, you could rob stores and beat up prostitutes. You could jump your car off a parking garage, crash a helicopter, or machine gun pedestrians from atop a moving truck. Heck, you could even do the story missions if you are that sort of person.
All of those things are great, so long as you don't mind feeling like a sociopathic dirtbag in your living room, but I have discovered the ultimate thrill in GTA V. The one thing that gets your heart rate up and your eyes pinned wide open.
I call it NiTRO, because it's explosive action the likes of which you have never seen before in a GTA game.
Head down to Vespucci on foot, by taxi or in your car and rent a bicycle from the dealer there. You'll get a chance to do this as one of Michael's earlier missions. Hang onto the bicycle. It will sort of follow you around even though it is technically rented.
Now, here's where things start to get a little messed up, but hang in there with me. Once you're outside of a mission and you have the bicycle, you should start riding it into the city. Along the beach/boardwalk is a good start, but you'll want to get out of that area pretty quickly because it's so crowded with pedestrians and you don't want to hit any.
Got it so far? Ride your bike into the city. You can ride on the road or the sidewalk. Just watch out for cars AND pedestrians. Now are you ready to take things to the next level? Ride until you see a group of pedestrians or a solo pedestrian (good if this is your first time pulling a NiTRO) and stop your bike. Get off and walk (do not run!) towards the pedestrian.
When you're close, but not touching, hit the right gamepad button on the PS3. Don't know what it is on the 360. Your dude in the game will say "How's it going?" or "Hi" or "Looking good!" The pedestrian will then respond, either favorably or unfavorably, by saying something like "Hi" or "Get fucked like a pussy!"
After that you will want to get on your bicycle and pedal directly to the next available pedestrian. If you're skilled at NiTRO you can quickly "chain" pedestrians by getting on the bike, pedaling, and getting back off to greet the next pedestrian. Sometimes you will witness crazy police chases crashing to a halt nearby, gunfire breaking out, ambulances, or some other strange incident. Do your best to ignore these and focus on riding the bike.
Here's a quick vid of me pulling a pretty solid chain:
You'll notice things almost went wrong when a car swerved slightly towards me and then later when I bumped a pedestrian, but I managed to keep my cool and pull off that chain. NiTRO works best on the crowded sidewalks of the daytime. You can NiTRO at night as well. It's a lonely gig on the spooky late night streets of Los Santos, but somebody has got to do it.
Go out and experience the ultimate thrill GTA has to offer. With enough luck and skill you can chain enough pedestrians to say hello to all of Los Santos.
For more wild GTA stunt tips and cheats, check out Zack's Facebook page.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
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