|You've got a message! (5 of 5)|
Bad news, Adverse Interests, LLC. Your Nion, Doktor Vakation, has disappeared in the field and is missing. Please review the asset profile and make the arrangements that apply.
"Never left the hot tub. Got drunk on wine coolers and tried to rape my sister. Devised a plan of attack against UNFORCE that involved purple wigs and miniskirts for my TacForce Scorpion troopers. An hour before the operation he vanished leaving only a lukewarm tub with a few apple cores floating in it."
"Vakation proved it is possible to sexually assault a robot. Still dealing with the lawsuits. Stay away from this guy."
AKA: Creepy Austrian Guy in Hot Tub, The Bed, Bath, and Beyonder, Der Vanisher
Customer Score: 26% (rate)
Availability: Currently Unavailable!
Capabilities: Mm, hi. I hopes you like the good times commander for your troopers. I have a bath and watch them parade. So many troopers, yes? How about a plan for them? Go here! No, go to here! Attack! This can be done from the tub, trust me on this. Why don't you come sit with me, yes? Mm, a good tub.
Equipment: Mm, yes, okay. A tub. A sound mind with a good statistical and analytical ability. How fast is a bullet? Yes? I know this. 200 miles per hour. Mm, another question. What sort of trooper do you need to chase a horse? No, you tell me. Your face is so insolent I imagine. Turn around and show me. Now without the shirt.
Special Training/Notes: Yes, Mm, well, I have gone to many "schools" to learn a "education." Heeheehee. Okay. Heeheehee. Yes, really, I am okay now. To be honest with you I did not graduate any school. Formal education is for cattle. I was a journeyman of assassins and astronomers and Torry who does the tubs, yes? F-I-B-E-R-G-L-A-S-S, yes, but the rocks, they look so real...
|Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:|
Disappeared from his hot tub roughly two hours before Rainbow-8 raided Caesar's Palace. Never heard from again. Still presumed to be a creepy (more)
It is 2016. I think it is high time that Captain America have a dog man as a boyfriend.
A brave pop culture addict puts his foot down once and for all.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.