|You've got a message! (2 of 5)|
Bad news, Adverse Interests, LLC. Your Nion, Independent Welsh Armored Brigade, has died in the field. Please review the asset profile and make the arrangements that apply.
"Right. Never would have hired this cunt if I knew he was from whales. So me an the boys hired this fat cunt and his mate with the glasses to come to the match and provide some heavy support. They drove around, couldnt shoot naught but smoke bombs, drove over waynes foot and nearly darrens head. The skinny one went to have a fag right as the liverpool tank showed up. Started blasting us. We looked like mingers in front of the Liverpool cunts. Sokay though, after that we bashed in his head good."
"Skip, or was it Kip, was an alright sort. His tank was a bit slow and small, couldn't shoot much of anything, and inside it was waist-deep with chip packages and smelled like fish farts. Randy, the man who worked the turret of the tank, kept taking cigarette breaks. One of these coincided with the opening of Sek-Rah's Tomb and...well, let's just say something quite unpleasant is loose in Cairo. "
|Independent Welsh Armored Brigade|
AKA: Skip Wuggins and Randy Thompthon, Fatty and Beanpole in a Tank, Welsh Tinned Pork.
Customer Score: 41% (rate)
Availability: Currently Unavailable!
Capabilities: Driving and maintaining the Scorpion light tank, firing the 76mm main gun (smoke shells only), Skip does some sketches of female nudes with a barbarian/amazonian theme and he has those for sale if you're interested, Randy used to be a roadie for Moody Blues so he knows a thing or two about light shows. Our tank is called Red Sonja and it can drive over pretty high walls.
Equipment: Scorpion tank from 1977 with a 76mm gun (sorry red smoke shells only) and a transmission that is going so we can only drive it in first. It also struggles a bit on hills, but just wait and she'll make it to the top. Also bring a stereo, plenty of CDs, a PSP, all the protein bars and crisps we will need for a trip as long as you provide water, pints, and potted cheese. And of course Sunny D to drink.
Special Training/Notes: Skip can curse a bit in cymaer or translate some things if he can get to the internet to check out a word or two.Both Skip and Randy signed on with the Whales 160th territorial army in the 1980s and they are rated "average" in gun shooting and "needs improvement" in hand-to-hand combat. They don't need any improvement at stealing stockpiled tanks from the reserve armory.
|Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:|
Drove the tank up to the Bank of England's Leeds office to assist in the raid on the imprint floor. Smashed open the doors after a bit of trouble from the shifter and fired smoke bombs at a few of the Bank of England workers who were slow to get away. No one was harmed. Provided cover while the 18 ton penny press was loaded onto a towed flatbed trailer. Became disabled attempting to tow the trailer up a hill. The press was moved to a truck, but the tank would not start. Skip placed it in neutral and he and Randy attempted to push it up the hill. Unfortunately, the tank rolled (more)
If you are 35 and you are not integrated into the Gigathrax then you are not ready to retire.
While designing this space, I imagined David Fincher being forced to recreate the music video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer in a haunted gas station bathroom.
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.