Welcome back, Adverse Interests, LLC. you are now logged in. Thank you for choosing FIST for your staffing needs. We hope OPERATION A QUANTUM OF VIOLENCE went well!


You have 4 Henchman Status Updates awaiting your immediate attention.


Your credit with us is poor.


Henchman Status Update (1 of 4)
The status of Hate Otter has been changed from ACTIVE to DECEASED.
Name: Hogan (DECEASED)
Codename(s): Hate Otter, Nearly Super Soldier, Almost Indestructible, Weapon J, Hoagie
Join Date: 6-23-98
Primary Role: Extremely Tough Soldier
Secondary Role: Getting pissed, fighting, fightin', spot-welding, facial hairing
Specialties: Copper skeleton, retractable tin claws, scabbing factor, four kidneys, double skull (copper), supernumary rectums, mysterious past, terrible flashbacks, really bad temper, yelling, leaping, cutting things.

Availability: On Hire (hire)
Contracted To: Adverse Interests, LLC.
Term of Hire: 30 days or d/c/f

DEATH PAYOUT: 7,500,000 USD to General Electric Evil Super Soldier Division (manufacturer).

Average Customer Rating: (rate)

Customer Review:

Not a big deal at all

Reviewed by Major Dick Poundyr
Forget about this guy. Copper skeleton? Whatever. He sounds totally not classified top secret to me. Run of the mill stuff. Just a regular soldier with some steak knives between his fingers. In fact, he's so bad why don't you just tell us where he is and we'll come get him. Nobody needs a bum around. This guy is a bum. A layabout. We'll clear him up and destroy all of the freaks at that academy Doctor (more)

Circumstance of Contract Liquidation:

Was shot to death by the Time-SS during a raid on the Timelair in Alabama. Forewarned by American terror-sympathizers, Hate Otter was ordered to hold Quantum Himmler's jackbooted puppets at bay while the administrative might of Adverse Interests, LLC and their henchmen escaped into the past in the rented time machine. Hate Otter fought valiantly, but his scabbing factor was overwhelmed by the quantity of bullets being inserted into his face. Several of the (more)

More Features / Articles

This Week on Something Awful...

  • The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    The Fracking Fables of Groggery Gibbonman

    ‘Toad coin?’ wondered the traveler as he examined the pebble. It did not look all that different from any other pebble, and certainly nothing like a coin. ‘What manner of coin has no head or tail, and bears no seal or flag? Who backs this toad coin, the toad bank? The toad treasury!?’ The traveler laughed, but the toads croaked sternly back at him.

  • Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Your Dog is Totally Worth Refrigerated Food

    Spending $10-15 a day on perishable organic dog food is not a sign of a decadent culture in terminal decline, it's actually real good and worth it.

Copyright ©2014 Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka & Something Awful LLC.