From the department next door to the speed cringing comes the slow humiliation burn. These videos subject you to a protracted torture and only the strong - or foolish - can survive all the way to the end.
Limphotdog is a sassy Jewess with an apparent iron deficiency. In this grueling self-destruction of dignity, limphotdog lip-syncs her way through her ten favorite "Attitude Songs". These songs run the gamut from Marilyn Manson to Garth Brooks and the whole endeavor is pointless because it's shot on a webcam so shitty that the video is out of sync with the audio.
This one is bad enough that limphotdog will be waking up in the middle of the night to remember it ten years from now.
Before I leave this one to its agonizing death in the ditch, I would like to make two quick points. First, there is a fantastic selection of comments on this one and they break almost 50/50 between the "you dumb bitch" and "hey, baby, what's up?" categories. Second, when I wrote this article there were around 1,100 views for this video. At this point I assume you have watched at least a few seconds of this video. Try to take what you could endure of the video and imagine this dimwitted girl performing her lip-syncing routine in front of over a thousand people.
What's worse than a three minute long music video created in Power Point that explores the metaphysical riddles of the universe, questions the existence of God and smells suspiciously of weed and smug atheism? You thought I was going to say "nothing", but as it turns out it's a nine minute long earnest attempt by a Christian talking into a camera to debunk the three minute music video.
Here, at last, is video evidence that there is something lamer than an argument over the spelling of sulfur.
The only way this interaction could be more pathetic is if the response video included a part where the guy's mother came down the basement stairs to tell him the fish sticks were done cooking. "Mom! Get out! I'm trying to spread the gospel!"
Remember, web two dot warriors, when you gaze into the New Media Hell it gazes back at you.
If you have a good example of the New Media Hell then please email our tip line. You can earn the respect of your peers and the people's ovation.
Sometimes I dream that I'm sitting in the back of the defunct Weinermobile as it careens driverless down the highway. At first I thought this was symbolic of the powerlessness I feel in life, but then I realized it's actually the Weinermobile's dream of being able to drive again.
Three years ago, when we were burying my uncle, Cleaver and some gross lady dog (Solstice???) showed up at the cemetery and starting going at it really loudly. It ruined everything and we had to have a "re-do" the next day and it cost a fortune. I've hated him ever since for that.
Ignore the hype. Find out how these games will likely go right or wrong.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.