Damn Nazi blimps always trying to blow up the Statue of Liberty!
Electronic Arts was, by far, the best and friendliest booth out there. Jason Anderson, the PR Coordinator, was extremely outgoing and patient, answering all questions we had and showing us through the various upcoming games they have to offer. Here's what they had in store:
Command and Conquer: Red Alert 2 - Looks to reclaim the vast amounts of fun and entertainment the C&C series lost by releasing "Tiberian Sun". "Red Alert 2" has a distinct 1950's flair to it, adding a nice "tongue and cheek" element to the units. We've got all the irrational fears people had regarding the "Red Scare" in this one: evil Communist mind control zombies, missile fights around the Statue of Liberty, giant attack squid, and explosive cows. Well, maybe most people weren't afraid of explosive cows, but I'm sure some of them were. The units and landscape were bright and colorful, with all animations moving extremely smooth. This game looks like a blimpfull of fun.
Command and Conquer: Renegade - Doesn't really appear to be anything that special. Standard shoot-em-up affair, with the use of some vehicles and stuff. I didn't really pay too much attention to this one, as I was staring at "Red Alert 2". I think there's some kind of guns it in, but don't quote me on that.
Clive Barker's: Undying - Since I didn't hear too much about this game, I didn't really have any expectations for it. Man, was I impressed! The atmosphere is extremely spooky, the weapons are totally unique, and the spells kick so much ass. I'm going to start covering this game more for VE, as it looks exceptional.
Need for Speed: Motor City - This retro racing game is entirely online, which is an entirely stupid idea. I can't justify paying $10 a month for a game that I play for maybe one hour at a time. Plus, since its entirely over the Internet, if you get disconnected in the middle of a race, you automatically lose. That's not a risk I want to take over my modem and crappy connection. No word if you have to camp for "rare drop mufflers".
SimsVille - It's like "The Sims", only you build a small town instead of a single house. The person showing off the game made a big deal about making sure you build Chinese food restaurants if your town likes Chinese food. Appears as if it follows the same logic as "The Sims."
The Sims: Livin' Large - An expansion for "The Sims" which adds such critical features as the ability to have sex and turn into a zombie (I'm not kidding). Sounds like a great feature if you're into zombie sex (and the government knows who you are).
The World is Not Enough - Think "Soldier of Fortune", except your character is wearing a nice suit. The wooden barrels explode when shot for some reason. The PR guy couldn't explain why. I demanded an explanation, but had to settle with the PR guy pointing out how nice the particle system was.
Black and White - Some people are referring to this game as "the best game ever", while others claim it to be "the greatest game ever." These fans can often be seen fighting Halo fans, each declaring their game to herald the Second Coming of Christ. It looked pretty detailed, offering such odd additions as syncing your monster's dancing to whatever mp3 you're currently playing, reading the music style of that song, and changing the monster's dance routine to fit that style. Look for the sequel to be entitled "Black and White 2: Electric Molyneaux".
After our appointment with EA was over, we had a session with Eidos scheduled, but we didn't want to risk being in the same general area as the thousand of Lara Croft-obsessed fanatics who were undoubtedly trying to get the floor models to tattoo their signatures on their withered genitalia. Instead we settled for going home and passing out. I think we made the wise decision.
Shot from "Clive Barker's Undying". It looks alot better than the shitty screenshots in the press kit.
"Black and White" has the biggest evil wolves you'll ever see. Probably.
2 PM: Steven J. accidentally drops his vintage Trapper Keeper, revealing erotic drawings of the ‘bunny girls’ emoji. The room draws silent. Slowly, member after member opens his/her notebooks and tablets, revealing dozens of pages of bunny girl emoji fanart. The room votes 12-0 never to speak of this again.
He was ripped off for True Detective, now Thomas Ligotti is being asked to review Pizza Hut's new Hotdog Pizza Bites.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.