Only a harmless garden gnome. It was time for Haggard to get back to his exciting life of chatting up honeys on the Internet for hours upon hours, often ignoring bathrooms and hygiene until it was an emergency.
After long hours staring at that monitor, something seemed different about the gnome, but Haggard couldn't figure it out.
One of Haggard's favorite autonomous pastimes was taking the garbage out and then standing for hours next to the garbage can and texting.
Twice in two days this led to him texting to the point of exhaustion and then sleeping on the bench next to the trash can.
This week, I'll be playing an '80s arcade rom rumored to be a CIA mind-control experiment. Please like and subscribe!
I'm thankful that the internet has a few more weeks of Net Neutrality protection before the inevitable outcome of deregulation comes to pass. I'll see you on Tier Basic, assuming you spring for the Limited Email Plan and your ISP hasn't throttled this domain.
Buy three Epic Loot Crates for only $7.99, get a free fourth loot crate for only $2.99!
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.