Chapter Four - Love Blooms From a SodaMiss Tokyomama enjoys a delicious beverage, preparing to take the whole can into her mouth.Totally ignorant of the mass carnage transpiring out in the halls, Dari returned to his seat in Miss Tokyomama's classroom. The beautiful teacher winked at him and smiled, her eyelid making a clicking sound as it traversed over the globe of her eye. The class was reading quietly from their "Great Tales of Rape and Enemas in Feudal Japan" textbook so he followed suit. The text was amazingly boring however, he couldn't even visualize the crude enema methods described in chapter 14. His mind and eyes wandered. Eventually they both wandered onto the curvaceous body of Miss Tokyomama, who was just picking up a can of Super Sour Okay soda.
As Dari watched she lifted the can to her pink lips, parting them slightly and teasing around the tip of the can with her tongue. She tossed her magenta locks of hair over her shoulder and slowly worked just the top of the can into her mouth. The soda oozed out of it, coating her tongue and lubricating itself as she began to move it in and out of her warm mouth. She swallowed and felt the cool liquid pour down her throat. Dari shifted uncomfortably, transfixed by the spectacle as Miss Tokyomama took all six meaty inches of Super Sour Okay into her mouth. Her throat relaxed to accept the top of the can and she pistoned the length of it in and out rhythmically.
Abruptly Dari's nose erupted in a fountain of blood, spraying all the way across the room to land on Miss Tokyomama's cleavage. Even after the initial burst of blood it continued to pour out comically like a faucet inside of his nostrils had been turned to "red". Miss Tokyomama gasped and smeared the blood across the tops of her breasts. She moaned and called Dari to the front of the class.
"Mr. Armostrongo, I think you have been quite the troublemaker today and I think you need to stay after class," she said as she unbuttoned another button on the top of her shirt to reveal even more of her cleavage.Dari reacts to the soda consumption the way any red-blooded Japanese male would; he sprays blood out of his nose.She also winked again with that weird clicking sound in case Dari somehow missed the implication. At the end of the day Dari went to every location in the school and looked and thought about everything there. Luckily there were only five locations in the school; the classrooms, the teacher's lounge, on top of the school, the gym, and the nurse's office. The principle's office was a location too but the door was locked so he couldn't look or think inside of it. He finally went to the classroom area which included the room belonging to Miss Tokyomama.
When Dari returned to the classroom after school Miss Tokyomama was all over Dari like a pox blanket on a Cherokee woman. She smothered him with kisses and nearly crushed him beneath the pendulous weight of her bosom. He finally gasped for air and was set free.
He looked at her three times and thought about her three more times. He had the choice to have sex with her or go home and have sex with his mother again. While that may seem like an easy choice for those of you like me who don't have a lot of experience or desire to have sex with their mother, for Dari it was quite the conundrum. At last he opted to drop his slacks and explode onto the scene with a whole new routine, having sex with every part of Miss Tokyomama ranging from her "special place" to her "weird clicking eyelids". When they finally collapsed exhausted into one another's arms, Dari knew that he was in love.
If you are 35 and you are not integrated into the Gigathrax then you are not ready to retire.
While designing this space, I imagined David Fincher being forced to recreate the music video for Nine Inch Nails' Closer in a haunted gas station bathroom.
My game is funded. Now I know everything.
Featured articles and columns that don't fit anywhere else on Something Awful.