Herein lie the rules for the Something Awful Forums. Please visit our support FAQ page if you are experiencing any technical problems, problems with an order, problems with your account, or if you are thinking of contacting us for any other reason at all. Most questions can be answered there if you just READ IT. And now, on to the rules!
Make sure you are familiar with the rules below. Memorize them. Read them daily if you have to. They are guidelines you must follow in order to keep your account privileges. If you break a rule, you will likely be punished. Punishment can be a temporary or permanent loss of privileges. Most users have been around for many years and not had any problems. This is because they know the rules!
We here on the Something Awful Forums are very elitist and strict assholes. We pride ourselves on running one of the most entertaining and troll-free forums on the internet. This is accomplished by charging a $10 fee to filter out folks not serious about adhering to the rules, and banning those who manage to slip through and break them. We are very serious about keeping our forums clean and troll-free, so please consider your account an investment and treat it accordingly. Read the rules, use common sense, and help keep the SA Forums the best message board on the internet!
Lurk before posting! We cannot stress this enough. Each forum pretty much makes it clear from its name and description what is acceptable in there or not. Be sure you have the appropriate forum before posting. If there is no forum dedicated to the topic you wish to discuss, use General Bullshit. Do NOT post porn or any "questionable" material in GBS; if you would be uncomfortable viewing it at work, do not post it there. Keep all disgusting pics in FYAD. Additionally, please check to see if your post is a redux (it has already been posted before by another forum member).
Before you post: Before posting, please ask yourself the following question: "Am I making a post which is either funny, informative, or interesting on any level?"
If you can answer "yes" to this, then please post. If you cannot, then refrain from posting. If you post anyway, the mods will probably gas your thread, automatically awarding you a 15-minute probation.
Before you reply: Before replying, please ask yourself the following question: "Does my reply offer any significant advice or help contribute to the conversation in any fashion?"
If you can answer "yes" to this, then please reply. If you cannot, then refrain from replying.
Low Content Posts: Please do not make posts containing no content (ie, "first post," "hello, I'm new here," etc.). These just litter up the forums and with over 100,000 registered users, we need to eliminate these as much as possible. If you do not like a thread, then just vote it a "1" and move on; replies consisting solely of trolling fall into this category. As a general rule, write as if you were speaking in real life to another human being. Do not use any catchphrases, memes, internet slang, or any other crap that makes you look like a 12-year old.
Worthless Posts: We do not care if you are drunk or high; please do not inform us of either. Please do not register gimmick accounts and make posts as a gimmick, as they are not funny. Please do not post crap asking us to vote for you on some website, give you referrals for free iPods / flatscreens / spare tires, or any other semi-spam things.
Forum Fuckery: Don't fuck up the forums or any user on the forums. If you post a malicious link (any URL with spyware or code designed to annoy people) you will be banned. Do not vote spam a thread with your friends because you don't like the person who posted it; this makes the voting feature useless. Do not make plans to annoy / destroy other forums.
Stay On Target: Try to use the appropriate thread tag for your post. This helps people find your thread and makes the forums more user friendly. Do not use the mod-only tags or you will be autobanned by the server.
Contained Conflict: Keep all flamewars and other arguments in their appropriate forums (FYAD, YCS, etc).
Respect the Mods and Writers: The moderators are here to keep the forums safe, sane, and secure. If they ask you to do something, please do it. Please do not harass or intentionally annoy the mods or insult the front page writers. If you do not like the mods or the moderation, feel free to not post here.
Harass and Sass: If somebody is harassing you on the forums then discuss it with them over PM or email before contacting a mod about it. Flames and insults do not constitute harassment. Please do not post others' personal information (phone number, addresses, emails, etc.). Try to stay out of other peoples' personal lives as well. Keep in mind there's a good distinction between the Internet and real life.
Account Ability: Only one person may use a forum account. Account sharing is a bannable offense, so please keep your password secure.
Crazy Catchall: Please do not try to cleverly circumvent some rule listed here. These rules are general guidelines and are very flexible.
FYAD Freedoms: You cannot post illegal material, harass others by posting their personal information or nude photos, spam thread subject lines to break the forum tables, harass any admins or mods, or start forum invasions in FYAD.
I Hate Speech: Offensive terms such as "faggot" or "nigger" may or may not be bannable based on context of the sentence. If they were meant as humor with absolutely no offensive slurs meant, the user may not be banned or probated. This rule is completely, 100% subjective and is based on the mod reading the post at the time. Use at your own peril.
After years of being misunderstood, I had hoped we finally had "our" story. I was wrong.
He had a yellow inflatable tube around his waist, the kind with a comical duck head. There was a tiny fish in one of his hands, and a trident in the other. In the background a squirrel wearing shades was water skiing.
For fans of meaningless awards, these awards are extra meaningless.