I had to make sure ilita was truly ready and prepared to know the arcane, dark secrets of magic. I wasn't going to teach just anybody the sacred arts; I had to make sure he was dedicated to the study with all his heart and soul.
ilita claimed he was ready to learn, but I didn't accept that answer just yet. I wanted to be completely assured of his devotion to the trade. After all, I was Kofi Annan! Time was money and money was time, and I couldn't afford to waste my time on just any spineless cretin! Kofi Annan did not rise to fame by bending over backwards to help the frail and disillusioned! His time was valuable and only spent it on those willing to make the necessary sacrifices!
ilita reassured me that, yes, he was sufficiently prepared.
Once again, I felt the need to explain just how much hard work and dedication would be required to master such a difficult profession. It's not easy to become a skilled magician and I couldn't bother training another rookie who didn't fully have his heart devoted to the practice. I needed to stress how much time and patience magic casting takes, and dispel the myths that it was some easy profession which required little work. Magic is a serious business, and if you're not ready to spend the required time hitting the books and doing the research, you shouldn't be in the field! Nobody knows this better than Kofi Annan, Secretary General of the UN!
After roughly 20 minutes of banter with ilita, he finally convinced me that his heart was true and the blood of magic ran through his veins. I felt our conversation helped us bond and really know each other's innermost personalities, and after establishing such a close connection with him, I accepted ilita into my heart and decided to share the precious gift of magic with him. I knew the road would be long and dangerous and he might lose sight of the end goal, but we would both grow and mature into wonderful new people throughout the inspiring journey. I agreed to begin his magic lesson and asked him to follow me to the next screen, where I could properly assist him and begin the amazing ascent into the rewarding world of magic.
Master is troll wizard, so's if he get angry he might cast spell up on my self and bite off my whole head in one chomp.
It's true. Grimace is human. God help us, we did our best for him.
Kirk Cameron destroys the internet with his rage and jacks it to boats, hallelujah!
The famed gonzo otaku journalist writes about the death of gaming culture in 2014.
Something Awful reviews the worst video games out there.